NCAA

No, that doesn't stand for National Collegiate Athletic Association. It stands for:

Nauseating Commercials, Annoying Advertising

Some of us who live in the Middle of Nowhere have to get our television reception through these little grey plates attached to the side of our homes called satellite dishes. And one of the wonders of satellite technology is that for an extra five bucks or so each month, we can get both the East Coast and the West Coast satellite feeds. Which basically means that if we miss something at 8, we can catch it again at 11.

Not that I'm ever awake at 11.

But the reason I like having both feeds is for sports. When my team plays a West Coast team, I am usually able to catch the broadcast. So when I settled down yesterday to watch the tournaments, I assumed that CBS would carry a different game on each feed. And that was their plan. [When you check the "Info" button on the remote, you did indeed get different games scheduled on each of the two CBS channels.]

BUT … what if one of the games was a snore? [As they apparently thought the WVU-So. Ill game was.] Well then they showed the same, more exciting game on both feeds. Just so you don't miss any thing from their Chosen Game, donchaknow.

Add to that the endless commercials, endlessly repeated, and by the middle of last evening I had to give up. Did Kentucky win?

At one point CBS decided to switch us back to our regularly scheduled game after a halftime commercial break. So we got a montage of clips from the first half, set to screechy music that you can't dance [or walk!] to, followed by – another commercial! – and then, finally, followed by the start of the second half. In the meantime, we could have been watching some Actual Basketball Action from one of the alternate games.

Applebee's is selling shrimp, set to the tune of the theme from 'Gilligan's Island.' That little ditty was annoying enough the first time around, thankyouverymuch. Cingular sells wireless service and guarantees fewer dropped calls. CBS has the best line-up of programming ever, and don't you dare miss Julia Louis-Dreyfuss [one announcer pronounced it Lou-IS instead of Lou-EE] in her new ditzy-mom program.

My mute button got a better workout than I did yesterday.

Okay, enough ranting. I refuse to give those advertisers any more air time.

I walked for 90 minutes outside yesterday, so I did get a pretty good workout, actually. The tax man has cometh and gone, and since my little Young at Heart Design Services business is so-so-so little, I don't even have to fill out and mail a form. [The accountant called it a 'hobby,' blesshisheart.] I'd thought I might shut 'er down, but the only form I've had to fill out all year is state sales tax, and God knows this state needs all the help it can get. So I'll keep at it.

Corned beef is salty. I'll be slugging back many bottles o' water today to make up for the yum of yesterday's dinner. And lunch today is at the fabulous Greenbrier's Draper Café. I know not yet what I'll choose. They have heart-friendly items on the menu, which will certainly fit the plan and also will certainly be delicious.

But they also have a killer fried green tomato sandwich with bacon and cheese that is To. Die. For.

Film at eleven.