"The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you."I love what Jen wrote yesterday about self-talk, and will quote a tiny bit of it here. But I recommend you go read the whole post and think about it. Hard.
William Jennings Bryan
If we think about it, every day most of us do dozens of "I'm a fat girl" affirmations. And that makes us incredibly invested in our identity as a fat girl. … it's worth repeating: the spirit believes what it hears. Why do we constantly remind ourselves and others that we're fat? Are we afraid of forgetting and accidentally doing what a thin person might do? Are we afraid our friends and family will start to treat us too well?That's difficult for me to read; it hits very close to home. I'm definitely out of my comfort zone when I'm being complimented, supported or … gulp … admired. Even though deep-deep-down I want compliments, support and admiration, when I get it I don't know what to do with it. Can you imagine how I felt at our wedding reception? Happy? Sure. But, at times, extremely uncomfortable with all the attention.
Do younger overweight women feel the way many of my generation do? [I know not every middle-aged fat woman feels uncomfortable when someone says she looks nice, but I know enough who do that I feel it's accurate to generalize just a teensy bit.] When you see an obviously overweight high-school-aged girl in a belly shirt and low-slung capris, do you see someone who is confident with her self-image? Or do you think, as I do, that she might benefit from a session with a personal shopper?
Don't get me wrong: I'm all for them feeling confident. I'm even a little envious. When I was at my lowest adult weight, and wore a size 6 [which would now be a 4, probably], I never had that sense of self-worth. I was as emotionally uncomfortable 10 years ago, at 130 pounds, as I was when I started this weight-loss trip in January, 2006.
I might have to resolve these feelings before I can push through the apparent plateau I'm on. When I lost weight before [almost 50 pounds in five months], I didn't have time to think about how I felt. I was all about how I looked. But my inside definitely didn't match my outside.
I think that's going to be the secret to my eventual success.
I'm leaving the house early tomorrow morning to go to NoSo, so unless I wake up at 5 a.m. with an urge to say something brilliant, I won't be posting. See you Sunday!