Friday, September 29, 2006

The Friday quote

"The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you."
William Jennings Bryan
I love what Jen wrote yesterday about self-talk, and will quote a tiny bit of it here. But I recommend you go read the whole post and think about it. Hard.
If we think about it, every day most of us do dozens of "I'm a fat girl" affirmations. And that makes us incredibly invested in our identity as a fat girl. … it's worth repeating: the spirit believes what it hears. Why do we constantly remind ourselves and others that we're fat? Are we afraid of forgetting and accidentally doing what a thin person might do? Are we afraid our friends and family will start to treat us too well?
That's difficult for me to read; it hits very close to home. I'm definitely out of my comfort zone when I'm being complimented, supported or … gulp … admired. Even though deep-deep-down I want compliments, support and admiration, when I get it I don't know what to do with it. Can you imagine how I felt at our wedding reception? Happy? Sure. But, at times, extremely uncomfortable with all the attention.

Do younger overweight women feel the way many of my generation do? [I know not every middle-aged fat woman feels uncomfortable when someone says she looks nice, but I know enough who do that I feel it's accurate to generalize just a teensy bit.] When you see an obviously overweight high-school-aged girl in a belly shirt and low-slung capris, do you see someone who is confident with her self-image? Or do you think, as I do, that she might benefit from a session with a personal shopper?

Don't get me wrong: I'm all for them feeling confident. I'm even a little envious. When I was at my lowest adult weight, and wore a size 6 [which would now be a 4, probably], I never had that sense of self-worth. I was as emotionally uncomfortable 10 years ago, at 130 pounds, as I was when I started this weight-loss trip in January, 2006.

I might have to resolve these feelings before I can push through the apparent plateau I'm on. When I lost weight before [almost 50 pounds in five months], I didn't have time to think about how I felt. I was all about how I looked. But my inside definitely didn't match my outside.

I think that's going to be the secret to my eventual success.

I'm leaving the house early tomorrow morning to go to NoSo, so unless I wake up at 5 a.m. with an urge to say something brilliant, I won't be posting. See you Sunday!


Lainey said...

HI Debbie

This is totally unrealted to your post but I love the new pic! You look amazing! You've got such a great face shape.

Keep up the great work lady.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the thought provoking post today. I think that we all lose weight slowly so that we have time to deal with issues like this. Otherwise, we would be on our way back up in no time at all.

I have spent too much time with the "fat girl" affirmations and and finally connecting my weight loss to my brain and heart - not just the body. Its hard work!

Greta said...

I love your new photo, too!

I feel that body self-image lags behind reality. You will have to live with yourself as a thin person for a while before you really FEEL like one. That bein said, I am all for positive visualization. I think it can really speed the process if you start thinking about yourself as thin right now. Certainly you are eating like a thin person. You are exercising like a thin person. If you can get some feedback from your good behaviors and try to generalize it, then you will start to feel thin. I personally can REMEMBER feeling really thin, so it's easy for me to bring that up. There is a website that has a movie you can watch online or you can buy a DVD that's all about how to imagine yourself already where you want to be.
I saw the movie twice at church showings and have thought about buying the DVD. The concepts in this movie can be applied to all areas of life. The movie is NOT religious, it's about developing self-esteem, so those who are not "believers" need not be turned off by the fact that I saw it at (two different) churches.

mehitabel said...

That quote hit home--I'm working on my fears, the things that are holding me back right now. I do need to stop saying to myself, and everyone else, that I'm old and fat. That won't get me where I want to be! And while I can't get any younger, I can get thinner, and more fit, and feeling better, which will at least help me do the things a younger, thinner person can do.

Anne M. said...

I love your new picture, Deb - it definitely is a reminder that you are shrinking indeed, but getting the mind to catch up with the body is not easy. That post of Jen's hit me as well. But isn't it good that we are all thinking about it? It's better to have the issue on the table in black and white than to be hidden away unsaid.

Greta said...

You might be interested in reading about this exhibit:
Then click "current exhibitions" to see and read more. The gallery has an exhibit of knitting and embroidery as fine art. Be sure to scroll down to see more.

Elizabeth said...

Debbi -

I, too, adore your picture!

Thank you so much for this quote and this entry that say something that's often unsaid oh-so-well. I had an epiphany last weekend about "fat clothes." It's not just that we should throw out the ones that are too big; we should also discard the image, the styles, the whatever, that we cling to as the fat or the formerly fat.

I am so sorry not to be seeing you at NoSo!