I'm so very sorry for offending you, and I promise never to mention any progress whatsoever prior to an official weigh-in day.
May I please have that two-pound loss back by next week? I'm doing my best – drinking water, avoiding sugar, eating vegetables, logging every morsel, running and weight-training. I'm not sure what else I can possibly offer as a sacrifice to prove my worthiness.
I don't mean to imply that you're stingy, though, I'd never do that. Half a pound in three weeks is wonderful. Thank you so much for that crumb of hope.
Now that my foot pain is gone, I'll be able to run longer and faster, just like I did yesterday. Did I mention I made it up to 5 mph for a couple laps? I knew you'd like that.
Anyway, I just want to let you know that I still want to be friends, and I promise I'll never betray your confidence again. I've truly learned my lesson. I look forward to our short daily visits – really, I do! – and I hope you'll find it in your heart to show me some forgiveness next Tuesday.
The Shrinking Knitter