Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Dear Scale,

Please accept my apology for offering even the merest hint of a loss this past Saturday. I worried about offending you by mentioning the little gift you'd given me last week, and you've certainly let me know, under no uncertain terms, that in the future we need to keep things between ourselves.

I'm so very sorry for offending you, and I promise never to mention any progress whatsoever prior to an official weigh-in day.

May I please have that two-pound loss back by next week? I'm doing my best – drinking water, avoiding sugar, eating vegetables, logging every morsel, running and weight-training. I'm not sure what else I can possibly offer as a sacrifice to prove my worthiness.

I don't mean to imply that you're stingy, though, I'd never do that. Half a pound in three weeks is wonderful. Thank you so much for that crumb of hope.

Now that my foot pain is gone, I'll be able to run longer and faster, just like I did yesterday. Did I mention I made it up to 5 mph for a couple laps? I knew you'd like that.

Anyway, I just want to let you know that I still want to be friends, and I promise I'll never betray your confidence again. I've truly learned my lesson. I look forward to our short daily visits – really, I do! – and I hope you'll find it in your heart to show me some forgiveness next Tuesday.

Your lifelong slave friend,
The Shrinking Knitter


Grumpy Chair said...

I just want you to know I spewed decaf coffee this morning when I read your closing.

Laura N said...

OMG you are too funny.

Anne M. said...

Hehehehe ... I love this. May the scale listen to you as attentively as you wrote to it.