Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Just so you know – I'm not perfect

As if you ever thought that anyway.

My name is Debbi and I'm a food addict.

I made a really bad food choice yesterday. After I logged everything, I only exceeded my calorie range by about 300, but the thing I ate – a can of those fried onion things that go in green bean casserole? – was 540 calories and took about 10 minutes to inhale. In the car, for cryin' out loud!

I didn't need much at the grocery yesterday, since Mr. Shrinking Knitter and I aren't hosting Thanksgiving dinner. He requested the green bean dish; I'd hoped to come up with something more healthful and exotic, but he likes traditional, so there you go. Those onion thingies aren't something I keep "in stock," so they were on my list, along with cranberries, sugar-free orange marmalade and Diet Dr. Pepper.

I only needed one can of onions. I bought two. When I loaded the bags in the car, I put them in the front seat, right beside me. I knew exactly where the extra can was and I don't think I'd even gotten out of the grocery-store parking lot before I popped the top.

It might as well have been a Heineken's.

Because of my indiscretion, I didn't eat dinner. Instead, thanks to the thoughtfulness of another weight-loss blogger who reads here, I had a copy of the HBO documentary Thin, to watch. [No, I still haven't figured out how to set up the DVR to record something when I'm not here. Sigh.]

It was probably the perfect late-afternoon entertainment after a mini-binge. All those skin-and-bones women, endlessly debating whether to eat, and how much, and talking about why they had to be thin. It gave me some perspective and, in an odd way, some reassurance. Yes, I screwed up, but at least I didn't hurl.

I had to stop watching to go to the prison, and I was pretty hungry when I got home later. I'd made cookies for Mr. SK earlier in the afternoon. [I did great during the baking, by the way. Buying break-and-bake cookie dough really helps!] But I ate a baked cookie – you know, something with sugar in it – before I settled down for the evening.

So I broke several cardinal rules, or ignored some common tips, or just went to hell in a handbasket for a day. Wasn't the first time, probably won't be the last. I just wish I knew what was happening in my brain before crap like that happens.

I also wish I could handle this problem the way I did the booze one. I need to feel that the consequences of ingesting sugar are as dire as the ones that happen when I drink. But, honestly, they're not. Or, if they are, I don't believe it. Yet.

What's it going to take?

On the plus side, I've walked three of the last four days, for more than an hour each time. Even Sunday, when it was cold and I'd planned to work out indoors, I eventually bundled up and took it outside. My foot has been a little sore when I don't remember to elevate it during extended sit-and-knit sessions. But that sometimes happened before the plantar fasciitis, and my heel still feels fine.

Someone named Anonymous left a comment on the bracelet post asking if I had a pattern. I have no way of contacting her. If she should happen to stop by here and read this and leave an e-mail address, I have written up the pattern and will send a .pdf file to her. And to anyone else reading who might want one.

If you're in the midst of a big food-preparation day, or a family hassle, or last-minute work crap, I hope you find a minute or two of peace and serenity to feel grateful for something.

I'm thankful you've stopped here today, and hope you'll be back.

2 comments:

FoggyJPinSF said...

Debbi:

Way to go on staving off that "in for a penny, in for a pound" feeling!

What I don't get is why we do these things -- i.e. procure the 'danger item' and then stick it right where we know we can get it? Who are we fooling? Is there a cure? Hmmm.

-J

Lori said...

I was just thinking exactly what foggyjpinsf said. Why DO we buy an "extra" something? Why DO we pretend it's going up in the cupboard or to our mother's or whatever excuse. It's delusional and I suspect we'll have to be aware of it all the time.

Still, you didn't have dinner. I'm impressed. Have a great Thanksgiving.