Thursday, January 19, 2006

Complete and utter frustration

First, Sarah and Steve were the Biggest Losers! I was rooting for them. Now onto the post du jour.

A Pogo (Walt Kelly) quote, pertinent to my struggle:

"It is not good enough for things to be planned – they still have to be done; for the intention to become a reality, energy has to be launched into operation."

So. eDiets is the food plan, and it's working well. Meaning I'm not having trouble preparing or eating the food, nor am I particularly hungry at any time. The Glycemic Impact goal is to keep blood sugar levels steady throughout the day. While I don't check my blood sugar levels, I would assume if I got really hungry, as in hypoglycemic-attack hungry, my level would be low. That certainly hasn't happened.

Launching my energy into operation has been more difficult, mostly because my mood has been so low, resulting in low energy levels as well. And why has my mood been low? Well, you try eating about 1200 calories a day for three weeks, with the intention of losing a couple pounds a week, and only lose two. Day after day after day, I get on the scale hoping for a lower number, and it stays the same. No matter what I eat.

Yesterday I actually did show a one-pound loss. I'd eaten only 808 calories the day before, and had not gotten any intentional exercise. Yesterday I walked two miles on the treadmill and mopped the floors (a BIG job!), with a calorie intake of 1021. I'd have been satisfied to stay the same. Hell, I'd have been thrilled to stay the same. But of course I gained that pound back again.

I realize that day-to-day one-pound fluctuations aren't a gauge of true weight loss. And I also realize that the number on the scale shouldn't dictate my mood. But it does. Some say you shouldn't weigh yourself every day, but research contradicts that.

I used to use FitDay to track calories and exercise, but you have to be online to use it. (They do have a standalone product for Windows users; I'm a Mac girl through and through.) I looked around for a program that would run on my computer, and found Calorie Tracker. It's not as great as FitDay, but I'm on dial-up and it's a pain to connect and log in every time I want to record a food or activity.

So Calorie Tracker does the same thing, except in order to start a new day you have to record your weight. The program calculates your required calories for weight loss based on your progress from the previous day.

I don't know whether to go back to using FitDay or not. I'm so discouraged right now, I just don't know. If that number every morning is going to do me in like it's done today, then is it useful? On the other hand, if the research shows that daily weigh-ins are a Good Thing, shouldn't I try to overcome the emotional defeat I feel when it's not the number I hope and expect to see?

I'm tired of thinking about it.

Here's what happened outside my east-facing windows this morning. It was much more gorgeous in person:

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