Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Yesterday could have been a much better day. It wouldn't have taken a whole lot more effort to row a little longer or eat a little better. I fell off the wagon … hard.

Many dieters take their weigh-in day as a "free" day, relaxing the usual mealtime rules and indulging in forbidden fruit. The theory is that they have the rest of the week to be 'good,' making up for one day's lapse in judgement. I've never consciously followed this rule, but that's what happened yesterday.

If I'd lost any weight this week, you would have – of course – read about it yesterday. You probably would have heard the shouting all the way from the Middle of Nowhere. But I stayed the same again, and simply caved in to a sense of hopelessness.

I'm doing much better this morning; mornings frequently are full of resolve and determination, and I hope this feeling lasts all week. Writing about it helps so much!

Here's what happened: I was rowing yesterday morning and decided to see what was going on in the world. Would I have been better off if I'd just listened to music, instead of watching the news? I don't know. Learning about the deaths of the little Amish girls in Pennsylvania shocked me in a way that's difficult to describe.

How could anyone do that? I read the Times story this morning [I hope that link works]. This man's wife describes him as "
a devoted father who had always taken the time to play with his three children, ferry them to soccer practice and birthday parties, and had 'never once refused to help change a diaper.' " That just doesn't reconcile with the vile demon who executed and injured all those little girls.

I took the news to the two Amish families who have moved here this summer. One came from Pennsylvania, but not from the Lancaster area. They appreciated someone coming to let them know, and I left feeling helpless, and sad.

And then I ate my house, which didn't change or help the situation even one iota. This morning I still feel helpless, sadder than sad, and I've taken a giant step backward in taking care of myself. Today I'm starting over.


Mariah said...

Wish I had something wise and profound to say. It is a very sad time, very sad.

Be kind to yourself, darlin'.


Marilyn B said...

I understand and feel you pain. I didn't do well yesterday either. Today is a new day and while we will still feel sad about the events of yesterday we CAN'T use those feelings as an excuse today. I don't have much control over what I'm eating at meals while I'm away right now but I do have control over amounts. Didn't practice that yesterday but I WILL TODAY!

Good Luck on today!

Lise said...

It won't help anyone for you to beat yourself up today for being beaten down by circumstances yesterday. We feel life events and world events, and sometimes the emotional cost bounces our weight program hard, because it seems so pointless to fuss about weight management when the world is spinning backwards. That was yesterday. Today you can take the reins back; we all can.

Vickie said...

I am not trying to tell you to change any of your habits - but I read this recently, am trying it myself, and wondered what you thought about it.

I have read quite a bit about insulin resistance - and believe that I am insulin resistant.

I carry my remaining weight in my belly - and as I am down to my last 13.5 lbs to loose - that is the ONE place where it remains. And it is fat.

I read in the Sept 2006 Good Housekeeping (page 209, 26 minutes to thin by Jorge Cruise) that your exercise needs to be at least 6 hours after ANY food - because the food makes "your insulin levels rise and when those levels are elevated you can't burn fat."

I have been frustrated by how hard these last few pounds are to loose. I have also been frustrated all along that my belly is not going down proportional to the rest of my body. The rest of me is quite thin now - but not the belly. Clothes are still very difficult.

Anonymous said...

Don't beat yourself up over one day's lapse. I stopped weighing myself back in my twenties because in those days I had compulsive eating and weighing myself triggered it. Am I still overweight? Yes, but I'm not morbidly obese and I would be if still had the compulsion. I have never had to lose more than twenty five pounds but I am sure there are plateaus in a long weight loss. Maybe go by how your clothes fit for awhile.