i've never been so happy ...

to have a doctor's appointment this morning. if he hadn't been pulling a 24-hour emergency room shift, he would have seen me yesterday.

i dislike going to the doctor. that may sound funny to you, but i know people who treat doctor's visits as social events, and have witnessed many strangers greeting each other, asking about family members, bragging about children, etc., in various waiting rooms throughout the middle of nowhere. conversations you city people hear in coffee shops and bookstores are what i hear waiting to get my cholesterol checked.

[it hurts to press the shift key, thus i'm channeling e.e. cummings this morning. the little lame balloon man whistles far and wee.]

because i avoid medical personnel as much as possible [except, of course, the one i married], i've waited until the worst possible time to finally break down and beg to be seen. we have company coming this afternoon – [CAPS LOCK ON: THIS AFTERNOON!] – and after yesterday's baking marathon i really should be on my hand and knees scrubbing the floor. but then what would i do with my other hand? you know, the useless one.

so i might as well suck it up, do what i can before i leave for the 'we'll-work-you-in' appointment and count on our guests' good will and understanding, which i'm sure they will have in abundance.

aleve isn't touching the pain, and i can only sleep with my arm in one position. changing my position creates an exquisite sensation that wakes me immediately. it's easier to be upright and mobile. which i've been since about 3 a.m.

this will be quite the memorable thanksgiving, especially if a shot of cortisone [which is what i'm expecting the doctor to administer] doesn't do the trick.

i'm no hypochondriac, but the what ifs have kind of overtaken me. what if it's a torn rotator cuff requiring surgery? what if it's some kind of infection that only iv antibiotics can cure? what if he has to amputate?

and the one thing that's always helped me relax and not stress-eat is impossible to do.

i can't knit.

while pain is a pretty effective appetite suppressant, i managed to eat to that more-than-comfortably full state yesterday, and i'm pretty sure i'll do it again tomorrow. it shouldn't be too difficult to rein it in today, what with my to-do list growing longer and the available hours growing shorter.

i'm grateful to still be sugar-free in all of this.

i'm grateful to have a computer and a virtual community and the ability to communicate, sort of.

i'm grateful for coffee and for a doctor who will see me at the last minute and for my domestically challenged husband who is, nonetheless, willing to do whatever i need him to do.

i won't have time or opportunity to post again until sunday, probably.

happy thanksgiving.