Wednesday, September 19, 2007


First, for Jeannie, I responded to your comment in the comments from today's previous post.

Dr. C called today to report that all my lab values were "within normal ranges." Someone from the office was supposed to fax me the actual pages so I could look at the actual numbers, but no one has done it yet. I think I'll send them to Wendy to analyze after I get them. Heh.

A few posts ago, Jonathan said maybe the best thing would be to just put it all aside for a bit. I'm going to take his advice. I feel like I don't have any other options at this point.

Since this is a weight-loss blog, and there's no weight loss going on, I'm going to put this aside for a while, as well. I'll update my times after I complete the Army Ten-Miler and the Raleigh Half, and I might go in and update knitting progress. But there's just no point in trying to pump myself up and be cheerful, or even not-cheerful, about something at which I'm such a failure.

It takes a couple weeks for an antidepressant's effects to kick in; maybe I'll feel like checking in next month. But I kind of feel like Beth must have felt when she stopped writing. I really missed Beth for a long, long time. I've kept the link to her blog in my sidebar because she gave me so much hope for such a long time.

I just don't feel like doing this any more.


jodi said...

it's time to take care of you... we'll still be here when you get back so feel better soon... :o)


denise said...

Hey you - no one calls my friend Debbie a failure and gets away with it - not even you!

No one viewing your before and after pictures through the last year or so would ever consider calling you a you shouldn't either.

You made such great progress in weight loss and then managed to maintain when you plateaued. And if there's not much weight loss going on now, there's also not much weight gain - and there's more than a few of us out here in blog land, I'm sure, who desparately wish we could say the same thing.

AND, you trained and ran a half marathon and now talk casually about running distances most of us wouldn't attempt to walk - you've successfully turned yourself into an athlete at age what? ... 55?

THAT is hardly the stuff that failures are made of!

So there! Don't be calling my friend Debbie a failure again or I may need to venture out into the middle of nowhere and do something about it!


Hang in there, don't be so hard on yourself, and like Jodi said, we'll be here when you get back.

PastaQueen said...

Dude, you are so NOT a failure. A couple days ago I signed up for the Indianapolis 500 Half-Marathon in May and I only did it because I was so inspired hearing about you running around the middle of nowhere. I was like, "If Debbi did it, so can I!"

However, I totally understand if you need a break. Marla threw out her scale for a month and it seemed to be really good for her mentally. Maybe you just need to step away from the whole weight loss mentality for a while and eat what you want to without counting up all the calories. You can always try again later.

Really, if there's anything I've learned in the past few years it's that happiness is not tied to weight loss. It's tied to all the things you do for yourself, the things that make you feel healthier and fitter. So, take care of yourself!

And I miss Beth too. I wish she knew that.

Grumpy Chair said...

You are not a failure. You lost weight and kept most of it off.

You ran a half-marathon. Not failure worthy.

I will miss you, but understand the need to put it aside for a while. Sometimes, I think of diet blogging as the old ball and chain and I'm desperate for a hack-saw.

Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I will miss you while you take a break. You are a trooper Debbi, and you'll find your way back soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and never give up!!

Lori said...

Debbi, I will miss you too but I do understand how frustrating it is for you. And I understand the need to step away for a while.

But let me add my voice to the howling mob that says, "You are NOT a failure!" You're falling for that black and white thinking (and I so understand that!) but you have kept the weight off, you have run in the middle of nowhere (and in the summer) and trained/training for a marathon plus all of the things you do for the prison. That's not a failure!

Frankly, George Bush works out for 2 hours every day and is in great shape, blah blah blah but I'd call him a failure for a lot of reasons. You, my friend, are MORE than your weight, more than a number on the scale, a dress size tag. You go out and try every day, you help people and you're an inspiration.


Laura N said...

Take care of yourself and I'll look forward to seeing you back here again, when you're ready.

Jennifer said...

I agree, obviously, with "not a failure." You have displayed so much tenacity to keep going with your very healthy diet and running regimen despite not seeing results on the scale. That really bucks what society tells us--that you're only successful if you lose weight--and I think it's amazing.

I also think that letting go of the strict calorie-counting, and the feelings of failure if you don't lose, are another great way of taking care of yourself, and I hope you can view them as such rather than as "giving up." I sort of view it like, eating a healthy diet and less sugar is good for you, exercising is even better, and losing the mental stress of beating yourself up about weight loss is better still. The healthy habits you have researched and developed over time are the part that are good for you, not "progress" on the scale. So this is really something you're doing FOR yourself and your health (since it is causing you stress and pain to continue to worry about your weight, and I think it makes sense to reduce that stress if you can), not in spite of yourself.

I hope the antidepressants kick in soon. Take care and feel better.

Barbra said...

What's with all this negative talk? You are an inspiration to all of us! I agree with everyone else.. especially Denise!
Hope you feel better soon... we'll miss you and we'll be here when you return. Knitting projects and photos would be nice if you get the urge to post (and the other interesting things you are involved with).
Take care of yourself!

D said...

Hang in there Debbi. You're in a tough place right now, and I know it's hard to see a way out. You'll find your way though, and blogland will be here when you return :) Take care of yourself.


Mary Gee said...

I am sorry to hear that you won't be blogging, but I do respect your decision. Don't be too hard on yourself.

miss petite america said...

sometimes we all need a break. even just knowing we have that option is enough to reinvigorate us.

take care of yourself, chica. you'll be in our thoughts, and when we'll be here when you get back! :)

Anne M. said...

Do whatever will make you happy and bring you peace. You are a wise and caring woman with lots of smarts and insights about yourself and the journey you've been on, and you are NOT a failure. Not in my eyes or in the eyes of any of us who have come to know you here.

I understand how you might feel like one - we set the bar really high and criticize ourselves for every little place where we fail. Sometimes I think we do it on purpose so we WILL fail and then have a good reason to beat ourselves up.

Be very kind to yourself and check in when you're ready and able. We'll be thinking of you and sending you supporting energy. And lots of love.

Mary Gee said...

I miss you! I finished knitting a couple of projects today and wanted to post pictures on my blog - but you are the only one who would be interested!

Adam said...

Hope all is well

Laura N said...

Even though you're not posting, I'm glad to know you're out there. Thanks for your comment on my blog. It was super to see your face. You are missed!

Greta said...

I think it can be unrealistic to lose weight all the way down to some arbitrary number such as what we weighed when we graduated from high school. You lost a LOT of weight, AD became an athelete. What part of that is failure? You also have been very successful at maintaining the loss so you are a success in my eyes.

I hope you start feeling better soon. It would be nice if you checked back in here once in a while.

Kelita said...

Debbie - you are not a failure! I would like to say something about the thyroid. It is one of the most underdiagosed problems there is. I speak from experience. I am a thyroid cancer survivor. And worse than that, for the 10 years after the surgery, I was totally mismedicated - to the point that I nearly died. Finally I went to a world class specialist in Houston, and he literally saved my life. All I am saying, is if, your thyroid is under functioning - Your doctor may not know enough to recognize that. In fact if he is not doing a free T3 and free T4 test, he can not tell for sure. Because they measure what your body can use for energy (free T3) and what is available for your body to make T3 from (free T4). Alot of times women of a certain age are given hormonal supplements - and one thing that can happen is that estrogen binds with T4. It is still in the blood stream, and therefore the TSH test will show that things are 'normal' - but that T4 is not free for your body to use - and guess what - your energy goes way down. Also depression is 'normal' with an underfuctioning thyroid. I guess I would like to say, if you feel that your thyroid is involved in the lack of energy, please find the best specialist you can get to, and don't give up on trying to find answers. Another caution - antidepressants can cause weight gain - so don't get discourage - just focus on getting better. And on the weight question - with my own history of thyroid problems - the only way I can budge any weight is doing low carb eating, and food combining, i.e. separating meals into protein, fat and non starchy veges, or carbs, non-fat, and non starchy veges - and eating all fruits separate from
meals. Really wishing the best of days ahead.