'He wrapped himself in quotations …'

At least that's what Rudyard Kipling said, although I don't know to whom he was referring.

There were a couple great motivational quotes posted in the comments yesterday … be sure to check them out. I love reading quotes; the one that greets me every morning from the bulletin board above my computer reads:

Everything works out in the end.
If it's not working out,
it's not the end.

I like quote books, too, and ours run the gamut from the big Bartlett's compendium to Byrne's 1,911 Best things anybody ever said to The Music Lover's Quote Book. On my nightstand is a slim volume called The Change-Your-Life Quote Book. I swear to God I used to have a book of quotes about food. You're not at all surprised, are you? That was back in the Dark pre-Internet Ages, when writers had to Look Things Up in Books, and I was writing a Valentine's Day food article for a magazine.

[Interesting that I can remember so specifically why I had that book in the first place. Good thing the Spousal Equivalent is a shrink. There's lots of analytical fodder there!]

I used to have a ThinkExist daily changing quote box in the sidebar. ThinkExist is a great quote site, and you can organize your quotes into 'books' by topic. When you add quotes to your blog or website, you can choose which book to use; mine was supposed to be from my Accomplishing Goals book.

I never changed the settings, but things would go a little wacky from time to time. The last time was one too many times, and I took the code off my blog template. I could just pop over there every week or so and grab a quote to post here. Maybe on Fridays … something to think about over the weekend, when everyone's health-and-fitness rules seem to go out the window.

Another quote site I'll be mining is BrainyQuote, which I found by reading the comments on this blog. I haven't gone back to read everything yet, but this group blog seems to have a large readership and lots of support. [And they linked to me! I have no idea who these brilliant women are, but thank you!]

Vickie [thanks for reading and commenting, Vickie!] recommended the book Thin for Life when it's time to think about maintenance. C'mon now, show of hands: How many of you have this book on your shelf already? It was originally published in 1994, and reprinted in 2003. I have the earlier version; perhaps I should have read it more carefully the last time I lost a significant amount of weight.

I lost 47 pounds in 1997, getting down to a low of 128, which lasted about five minutes. I stayed at 135 for quite a while, and then started packing all those pounds plus more back on. How many times have we read and heard about people doing this? How many times have we done it ourselves?

This is my third significant trip down the weight-loss path. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again:

I never want to lose this weight again!

You can absolutely bet money on my rereading Thin for Life. And perhaps using the line above as my new daily quote, posted on the pantry and refrigerator, thankyouverymuch.

Another thing I'll keep reading are weight-loss blogs. Especially the ones where the bloggers are actually losing weight or maintaining a loss. My favorites are in the sidebar, and I'd love to hear about others you enjoy.

Finally, I hope to continue blogging myself. I commented on an e-mail list yesterday that blogging about my struggles has been as helpful as anything else I'm doing. Of course the weight wouldn't be coming off if I weren't exercising and hadn't discovered the key to eating properly for me. But you know what's been said about sharing the good and the bad in your life:

“A sorrow that's shared is but half a trouble, but a joy that's shared is a joy made double.”

We don't need no stinking willpower

Thanks for your recent comments [the Shrinking Knitter loves comments! And e-mails! As long as they're not that nasty old spam!]. Esther commented on my posture while sitting on the ball. For short folks like me, good posture is one way to feel taller, even if we don't look or can't grow taller. [How many of you short, fat people have said you weren't overweight, you were undertall?] She also said I 'inspired' her, and that she wished she had my willpower. In the interest of further inspiration and utter honesty, I want to state clearly, here and now, that the one thing I don't have is willpower.

What I do have:

• a plan
• patience
• motivation
• committment
• accountability

What I don't have:

• rationalization
• justifcation
• excuses

Who gets the credit for this? Well, I've been a member of a 12-step recovery group for more than 15 years, and while you may scoff at the idea of a group of people sitting around applauding each other for not drinking, the principles therein are rock-solid. As we say in meetings, "It works, if you work it."

That means, for me, I have to take some defined, precise action in order to get the results I want. [It helps to have an idea of what kind of result you want first. Just not drinking wasn't enough for me – I had to also be happy about it.] It was simple enough 15 years ago to put down the bottle and stop drinking. A few years later I put down cigarettes and stopped smoking. Stopping is simple.

Staying stopped? Not so much.

You and I both know that for all the people who have maintained a significant weight loss, many more simply can't, don't or won't keep it off.

I'm only halfway through the losing part, and I've no idea if this time will be the last time, although that's my most fervent hope. I won't say it's been simple – not nearly as simple as giving up booze and smoking, since I still have to eat. But I can choose what to eat and when to eat it and how much to have [how much is probably the most important part]. And it is a simple matter to choose fruit instead of cake, whole wheat pasta over regular or snow peas rather than canned corn. Sometimes I choose cake and fruit. Sometimes I'm able to delay the initial urge to make a poor choice, knowing I can always get 'fill-in-your-own-treat' later.

The most important item on that first bulleted list, for me, is patience. I've had to get through the initial disappointment that I wasn't going to lose five or three or two pounds every week. Working out takes time, energy and discipline; it took some patience on my part to get used to that, and to develop the habit. I have to be patient preparing food, when I'd rather be eating it. [Read Jonathan's June 19 post – excellent idea!]

You get the idea. I'd rather have a bushel of patience than an ounce of willpower.

Multitasking

I've mentioned previously that when I started using an exercise ball as a desk chair, I found I couldn't knit and read e-mail/blogs at the same time. I've consequently not been getting quite as much knitting done as I used to, since I spend a good two or three hours at the computer every morning catching up with what the rest of you have been doing while I was sleeping.

So I tried it again this morning. And either my ass isn't quite so fat or my balance on the ball must be getting much better, because I can do it! Here's the proof:

Photos such as the one displayed here aren't possible without a tripod. I love my new tripod. It's just an inexpensive model I picked up at Target a couple months ago, but it's so lightweight and easy to manipulate, compared to the old one my dad gave me that he found at a yard sale for a buck. Gotta love the price, but I never used it because it was heavy and clumsy. It's good to have good tools.

Oh, what a perfect segue into a discourse about the tools we use to lose weight. Or the tools we use to knit. But, c'mon … I know that you know everything you need to know about weight-loss tools:

• Measuring cups
  
• Measuring spoons
• Food scale
• Food diary
• BMI calculator
• RMR calculator
• Calorie counter

You can, I'm sure, add to the list. [And you can, I'm sure, Google to find links to online counters and calculators.]

As for knitting tools, my personal opinion is that knitting needles, a blunt-tipped sewing needle, counters, ring markers, scissors and a measuring device will get you through just about any knitting situation. But there are plenty of manufacturers and entrepreneurs out there offering cute new toys in exchange for your yarn money.

So I don't want to talk about tools. I want to talk about non-scale victories [or NSVs, as they're known in the weight-loss world. But do you have any idea how many other NSVs there are?].

I took a ring to a jeweler to be resized yesterday. When it was purchased, just a couple of weeks ago, it was too small. The jeweler slipped it on my finger and said she didn't think it should be resized at all, especially if I was losing weight. A ring should fit a bit snugly, she said; you should have to tug a little to get it off.

So I went shoe-shopping, since I saved all that money not getting the ring resized. And the shoes I bought are a size smaller than the last pair. Same brand. Plain old knockaround tennis shoes [not athletic trainers]. I also bought three inexpensive tank tops in size L [not XL]. Now y'all know that inexpensive clothes are sized bigger than expensive clothes. So I was fully prepared to buy XLs. They were too big!

I think I'll clean out my dresser drawers today, and only put back what fits now. That'll give me lots more room. I can definitely see myself going shopping again. Soon.

Larry Bird's number

Back when the Boston Celtics were playing good basketball, I was one of their biggest fans. Larry Bird was a huge part of their success in the '80s, along with Robert Parish, Danny Ainge, Dennis Johnson, Kevin McHale and Bill Walton. [I did not Google any of those names … it's amazing the things the more … ahem … mature brain retains.]

So when I got on the scale this morning for the weekly weigh-in, and saw that I'd lost two more pounds[!] for a total of 33, the first thing I thought of was Larry Bird's number.

Sometimes I wish I had those smiley emoticons, so you'd know I was making a joke. Written out like this, it looks pretty lame.

I walked 34 miles this week, which tops my previous total high by a mile. Average daily calories were again a little low, at 1127. I burned an average of 569 calories per day doing an average of 93 minutes of daily intentional exercise.

For some knitting news, I finished the Krista Tee, and I don't care for it at all. I thought from the get-go that a gauge of 4 stitches per inch was too bulky for such a delicate-looking top, and I was right. Not sure if I'll pitch it or unravel it; it's Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece, so not hard to come by, and only three skeins, so not much to sacrifice if I do throw it away. I might do Krista again when I get to my goal weight, after refiguring the math for a finer gauge.

I started – and started, and started – a Shapely Tank [a great, basic, free pattern by the designer of the Krista Tee], using a cotton yarn that is space-dyed in olive, sky blue and cream. I'd have saved some time by doing a gauge swatch. 'Nuff said about that!

I forgot to mention that on one of my walks earlier this week I rounded a curve and saw a neighbor walking what looked like a very large black dog. Think Great Dane-sized. Turns out it was a calf [I thought of you, Amanda!] that had gotten through a neighbor's fence. It had been grazing – and bellowing for its mother – under her bedroom window all night, and at 6:30 in the morning she'd had enough, and started herding it home. I caught up with her and we found five more cows in the woods. The whole herd had been out whooping it up all night.

Sandy asked in a recent comment who my PushTV trainer was. My first DVD came Saturday, but I haven't opened it yet, so I'm not sure! I'll report later … probably much later, as it's been much more fun walking outside than working out indoors. But it's gotta rain sooner or later, and I'll check it out then.

Taking time

As promised, Diet Blog is expanding the conversation about taking pleasure in food, something dieters find – sometimes – a conflict of interest. The whole post is here, but here's what caught my eye:

Pleasure takes time. Our modern lives are highly-paced, stress-filled, and tightly programmed. This drive to be efficient and busy is present in our attitudes to food. We eat fast food. We eat in the car, at our desks, on the run.

Food can be enjoyed. Slow down and draw out your dining experience. Chew the food slowly - savoring the taste of your choice.

How often do you find yourself stuffing down the "forbidden" foods like there is no tomorrow? Sometimes the faster we eat, the more we eat.

Taking the time means being mindful of the foods we eat each day. Being mindful is one small step to learning moderation.

Living as I do, meaning not having a full-time job and not depending on restaurant meals, I don't have a lot of the issues others who are trying to lose weight do. What I do have, since I'm alone much of the time, is a lot of boredom, which leads to completely mindless snacking at times.

I try to have healthful snacks around, and I keep not-so-healthful snacks out of the house. That means either not having them at all, or keeping them in the freezer, in the garage, which is not connected to the house. [Which is sort of like Jonathan keeping his treats in the basement – three flights of stairs down from his apartment – but not quite so strenuous!]

Where I've been finding pleasure in food lately is in the preparation. I love to cook, but I have to admit that the eDiets recipes are pretty simple. So I've been looking for more complicated concoctions that still fit into the plan, and also have been enjoying – enjoying! – cutting up vegetables to have on hand, and making big fruit salads.

My former pattern was to buy the vegetables and fruits, stick them in the refrigerator, eat the fruit [hopefully before it spoiled] and toss the vegetables when they were beyond hope. "They" advise cleaning and cutting up fresh vegetables when you get home from the grocery, and I've been doing that. And I love having a huge fresh-fruit salad waiting in the wings for desserts.

It's all a matter of perception. Would a brownie taste better? Probably. And there are brownies in the freezer. But to indulge in brownies, I have to think about it while I'm walking to the garage and digging in the freezer. I want my food to be something I don't have to think about.

If I have to think about it, I inevitably end up feeling some not-so-great feelings. I shouldn't have had that, I'll feel terrible if I don't lose weight this week, I'm bad for eating whatever. Of course food shouldn't elicit those feelings, but let's be honest: For those of us who have battled our weight for a lifetime, it just does.

I just want to enjoy it, and I think I'm learning how to do that.

Dog-bite follow-up

The local health department sent a fellow named Chad out for a home visit to the dog-bite perp's owner yesterday. Chad called me in the afternoon and confirmed my suspicions, unspoken until now, that the owner is a deadbeat dog dad.

Chad said he parked in the driveway of the home and honked the vehicle's horn several times, as there were two chihuahuas yapping at him. He noticed a man, whom he assumed to be the dog's owner, inside the house, but wouldn't come to the door to personally speak with Chad. He instead sent his adult stepdaughter out for the visit. No vaccination records were available. The dog is penned and will remain quarantined until Thursday (the 10th day after the bite), and Chad said he would go back to make sure the dog is alive and kicking.

But not biting.

I don't have to get involved, which is good, but I don't want the guy thinking I'm a troublemaker. When I went to the doctor, the 'what-happens-next' part was out of my hands, as the doctor is required to report all dog bites to the health department.

Neither Chad nor I think the dog has rabies. But the front-page, above-the-fold story in the local weekly newspaper is about yet another case of rabies in our county.

The most important thing is it hasn't kept me from walking past that house. Just a few yards past their driveway is my two-mile marker, and I'm kind of definitely obsessive about doing my four-mile loop.

Thanks for your comments and e-mails about the dog.

Something else kind of odd happened at the same house two days ago. The two chihuahuas came running and yapping down the driveway as I approached the house. I'd forgotten the treats, so I was a little worried. I quickly turned and snarled at them to get back. They got tangled up with each other on their way back up the driveway, and one of them ended up yelping and limping. I swear I didn't do anything to it, but I felt a bit like Harry Potter before he knew he was a wizard, when strange things would happen that he couldn't explain. Heh.

I've finished the first HPbook and have started the second. Maybe the Canine Immobulus spell is explained.

It's heating up here in the Middle of Nowhere. The high temperature today should be in the mid 80s, and I think I'm going to walk now, while it's still cool. I had no trouble getting up early to walk when I was at my daughter's, but can't seem to get into the habit here at home.

Maybe I need a new habit?

About that wall . . .

I don't know why I put off fixing the wall all this time. I think I've probably been telling myself for the last two or three years that it needed some attention. It actually took surprisingly very little time or effort to finish.

I thought I might run into snake nests. What I ran into were insect nests: wasps, bees and fire ants. Good thing I had a can of bug spray handy.

I thought I was going to have to move all the rocks onto the yard and literally rebuild it. That wasn't necessary at all. I started working as soon as I got back from the first part of my walk [the four-mile loop] and was done a little more than half an hour later.

Forty minutes! No big deal! I'd been talking myself out of doing something for years that took less time to complete than watching an episode of Desperate Housewives.

That negative self-talk … ya gotta watch out for it.

As the day went on, my biceps and back muscles started aching. I expected that, but this morning I'm really sore. I guess there are some muscles you only use when you move rocks. [Just as there are specific water-skiing muscles and snow-shoveling muscles; you all know that, don't you?]

I hope the experience of having my perceptions blown completely out of the water will stay with me the next time I put off some once-in-a-great-while task. [Dusting the wall of bookshelves in the bedroom, maybe?]

It's a good feeling to have the job done. It's even good to feel the muscle aches, knowing I've pushed myself beyond my normal limits.

Doesn't mean I won't be taking an Aleve today, though!

Oh, what a beautiful morning

Mornings like this are what living in the Middle of Nowhere are all about.

The temperature is pleasantly cool, a layer of fog has settled in close to the ground but the sun is high and bright over the mountain and there's not a cloud in the sky. As the day goes on, the temperature will rise, the breezes will pick up and the humidity will decrease.

Sounds like the perfect day to work in the yard, or maybe – maybe – start rebuilding one of the dry rock walls that line either side of the driveway.

I don't put it on my resume that I know how to build dry rock walls, by the way. It's really not something I'd like to do more than once every 10 years or so.

The Spousal Equivalent and I collected every last one of the rocks, from creekbeds, from our property and from friends and neighbors who wanted to get rid of rocks. We had a neighbor till up the soil, then we smoothed it out and started planting rocks, one by one, fitting them together like puzzle pieces. We planted perennials in the area between the driveway and the rocks, which have mostly thrived. I'm disappointed with the dianthus, and will probably rip all of it out this year and replace it with hostas, which are plentiful and do very well.

Over the years, though, the chipmunks have moved in to the walls and parts of both sides have shifted. So it's time for a rebuild.

When we built it the first time, I counted working on it as my daily exercise, which got me out of the habit of running and lifting weights. I'm not making that mistake this time. The daily walk/run and regular weight training come first; I can't afford to let those habits lapse. I need to find ways to add activity to my routine, not replace one for another.

The dog bite is doing well; Neosporin is a wonderful thing. My left arm, the one that got the tetanus injected into it, hurt much more yesterday than it did the first two days. I hope that's nothing to worry about.

Not much more to talk about this morning; I want to go outside and play!

There is a solution

In addition to being the title of a chapter in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the title of this post refers to the ever- ... ahem ... growing, apparently worldwide problem of obesity.

The problem, though, is that the solution seems to be different for each of us.

Recent news articles have pointed to the following [an incomplete list, to be sure] as important factors on the problem side of the 'obesity epidemic:'

• The food police
• Lack of micronutrients
• The food industry
• Poverty
• Lack of sleep
• Lack of cooking abilities
• Inactivity
• Intestinal bacteria

Diet Blog addresses the solution side today, and promises more discussion of the topic in the future.

No, weight management isn't easy; if it were, wouldn't we all be thin and healthy? Well, thin anyway. Addressing that list of problems, you can find those who, despite lack of sleep or poverty or inactivity or whatever have never had a weight problem.

I'm not assuming that once I reach my goal I'll be able to maintain a healthy weight the rest of my life. I am assuming that with effort, vigilance and planning, I'll have a better chance at it.

And what I've learned since the first of this year is that no matter how badly I wanted to lose weight, or how hard I tried, I wasn't going to be ready to do the real, consistent, steady work of it until I was ready.

An AA member asks his sponsor, "When will I get my job back? When will I get my family back?" And the sponsor replies, "You'll get your job back when you get your job back. Your family will come back when they come back."

That doesn't mean the person who's lost everything just sits on his or her ass and waits for the Good Life. It means there's some footwork, some effort, some sacrifice involved in order to get what we want. My previous dieting efforts failed, in large part, because I didn't lose five pounds a week, every week. My expectations for a woman my age, at my level of activity, were completely unrealistic. I was far too easily discouraged and far too impatient with the process.

Losing five pounds a month is my reality. Once I accepted that, my whole attitude changed. And that has been the key.

You make the call

Is it a sports injury? Or a dog bite?

Of course, it's a dog bite, but I got it halfway into my four-mile walking/jogging loop. So it could qualify as a sports injury, couldn't it?

The guilty party usually is chained to his doghouse, but apparently escaped confinement this morning while chasing a cat.

I can only hope he wasn't chasing a rabid racoon.

So I spent the afternoon at the doctor's office – not part of my plan for the day. I couldn't remember the last tetanus shot I'd had, so they made sure I got one. Then they slapped some antibiotic cream on a Band-Aid and sent me on my way.

I'm just glad the doctor could work me in to his schedule; having this taken care of in the Emergency Department probably would have cost 10 times as much! If only I'd had a tetanus injection lying around I could have done it myself.

Oh, and I'll be tucking a couple dog treats in my pocket when I head out to walk today.

Other stuff, not fitness-related …

My DVD client loved the project I did for her. Whew! My best client referrals are from my daughter's mother-in-law, who lives in another state. I had really hoped this business would do well here in the Middle of Nowhere. My thinking was that not many people in the middle of Appalachia have the kind of powerful computers needed to edit photos, mix music and create DVD productions. Well, not only do they not have the computers, they also don't have the money to pay me to do them. Ah, well.

Finally, I need some honest opinions from you knitters out there. I'm tempted to make this jacket, but in a solid color. [I think it looks like a target in multiple colors. But that's just me.] Do you think the whole circular construction method is worth doing in a single color?

On the 162nd day,

I rested. I didn't work out, I didn't lift weights, I didn't mop or mow or drive cross-country. I even took a nap, which is very unlike me. All day yesterday, in the back of my mind, I kept telling myself I needed to go do something, but I ended up only doing some typing for the Spousal Equivalent, reading, knitting and playing Scrabble. What a slug!

I lost another pound; wonder if I would have lost two if I'd gone out and hit the road or hoisted a dumbbell or two?

I'm not complaining or whining, though. I thoroughly enjoyed my day off. I'll have to do it again sometime.

Average daily calories this week were only 1110. I need to get that back up to at least 1200. Average minutes of activity were down to 76 per day, and calorie burn was 478 per day. So losing one pound is what I should have expected. [I actually expected to stay the same.]

I took half an inch off each of the Big Three measurements, as well, continuing the slow and steady downward progress, which is the direction I intend to keep going.

The mystery yarn-giver has stepped up and confessed; I knew she was the one! I think she wants the backstory to remain between us, and I'm cool with that. I'm also grateful for her very thoughtful gift.

The book I started reading yesterday is the first in the Harry Potter series, which my nine-year-old granddaughter loaned me. I'm probably the last person on the planet who hasn't read any of them, although I've seen all the films. [Aside: Am I the last person on the planet who has neither read nor seen The DaVinci Code?] I find myself reading Harry Potter with a British accent, especially the Professor McGonagall and Hermione Granger characters.

But I've no desire to knit a Gryffindor scarf. Should you want to, you can find instructions for all four houses here.

Deer, deer, deer

I've seen more deer while walking outside this year than I can remember in the last, oh, five or so years. Maybe I'm walking outside more frequently, hmmmm? I scared one yesterday; they make a funny little bleating noise when they're startled. Then, of course, they hightail it across the field and into the woods. They don't know I'm the one who invites them to live in our woods during deer-hunting season.

Last night after dinner I noticed a doe in the hayfield, and grabbed the camera. Not a bad shot, considering how far away she was. The Spousal Equivalent and I watched her for a while, while restraining our little dog, Hershey, who was whining to get out and chase her.

She grazed calmly for a few minutes, then decided we might be a threat, and limped off.

Yes, she limped. One of her hind legs had been injured, and she couldn't leap or run, the way most deer do. I wondered if she got hung up clearing a fence, or if she'd been attacked. In other words, had she been hurt by a predator, or was it a sports injury?

I have to be careful about overtraining at this stage. I'm feeling great – strong and confident and capable, meaning I think I can do things I probably shouldn't. It's good to challenge oneself, but not to the point of a physical breakdown. As I commented to Cindy last week, I'd rather be walking than recovering from an injury.

But I also know that as time goes on, my body will become accustomed to the current amount of food and activity, and weight loss will slow down or stop. I'm only losing about five pounds per month now, and I probably can't safely consume fewer calories. So that means increasing activity. I do have room to do more, but I also have to remember I'm still carrying a lot of extra weight, which is physically stressful on joints. Especially knees.

Animals don't go through the mental gyrations we do when we contemplate adding or increasing physical activity. They just move. If they're hurt, they move more slowly, or rest until they're healed. Only rarely have I had the feeling that my intentional exercise was effortless. I love that feeling, and hope to get there every time I head out.

Yesterday? Not so much. The good part is that I ran up three hills! The bad part is that I'm still feeling the stiffness and aches from jogging about 4.5 miles of my total 6.6-mile loop. And none of it was effortless.

Maybe next time.

Push it, push it good

Renée is the queen of giveaways, frequently offering fitness-related items through her Fatfighters site. The most recent drawing was for a three-month membership to PushTV, and I was one of the lucky winners.

I'd never heard of PushTV before, but I like the idea of having a customized workout DVD delivered to my door for the next three months. I frequently use workout videos/DVDs [especially when the weather is bad and I can't get outside to walk], and the boredom factor is probably the biggest drawback. You know how you can anticipate each move before the trainer demonstrates it? Yeah, I thought you did.

Each PushTV DVD includes two 40-minute training sessions and a 30-minute cardio workout. By the time I can do this one by heart, the next one will be in the mailbox. How cool is that? Thanks, Renée!

In order to personalize the workouts, you have to fill out a profile. Part of the profile is defining your fitness level, in one of four categories:

• Brave Beginner
• Aspiring Athlete
• Experienced Exerciser
• Workout Warrior

I surprised myself by qualifying for the 'Experienced Exerciser' level:

You work out regularly and try to integrate cardio and strength training into your routine. On a good day (say, 3-4 times a week), you can sustain 30 minutes of running or other strenuous cardio activity. Yet, something's telling you the biggest results are yet to come and you're ready to get PUSHed.

Now, to be sure, I can't sustain 30 minutes of running on hills. But I jogged/ran for more than an hour without stopping on the level track near my daughter's home. So yeah, I guess I'm ready to get PUSHed.

I've maintained my weight all this week – no ups or downs, which is a bit unusual. Shaking things up in the exercise department will probably be good for my progress.

A little housekeeping

A couple weeks ago I changed the tag line beneath this blog's title. The first sentence used to read:

Regaining the fit, healthy body I used to have.

I changed the awkward 'used to have' to 'once had' to make it read more smoothly. But substituting the word 'reclaiming' for 'regaining' was a conscious decision to use a more positive term to describe the mission here.

According to dictionary.com, regain means:

• To manage to reach again.

While reclaim means:

• To bring into or return to a suitable condition for use.
• To bring back, as from error, to a right or proper course; reform.

The difference is subtle, to be sure, but I like the intention inherent in the use of the word 'reclaim,' especially in the second definition.

I sometimes think about this when I'm walking. I've been off-course the past three years, heading into an abyss I thought I'd never dive into again. I wanted my weight problem to be an easy-to-fix hormone problem; just pop a thyroid pill every day and look good again. I blamed the aging process, mostly, although not everyone who gets old also gets fat. And 55 isn't old, it's just on the way to old.

What I've learned so far is that I didn't need a hormone adjustment. I needed an attitude adjustment.

I started really learning about insulin resistance, which had always been a confusing theory that sounded hard to fix. Turns out it is a bit confusing, but it hasn't been hard learning to eat properly. And I started moving more, slowly at first and then with more assurance.

I was watching a baseball game last night, and one of the commentators said, "In baseball, success breeds confidence." And I thought, that's what's happening with me. More than the number of pounds lost, I'm measuring my success in the ability to move easily, to walk farther and faster, to lift longer and heavier. The result is the confidence in knowing that if the grandchildren want to play soccer or catch, I'm not going to run out of steam.

It's good to be 'suitable for use.' Certainly better than being useless.

We have ourselves a mystery

I picked up the mail a couple days ago and among the bills, magazines and junk bulk-rate material was a box from Blue Moon Fiber Arts. I didn't recall ordering anything from them, nor have I entered any contests giving away their products.

In the box were two skeins of yummy [an aside: Have you ever noticed how knitters described colors and patterns in terms that relate to food?] Socks That Rock hand-dyed yarn, in the Sherbet and Lemongrass [food! again!] colorways. No card, no note, no invoice – no clue who sent them. I called the company; they're not telling.

The Spousal Equivalent would have no idea how to order such a gift. My daughter might, my son wouldn't, and neither would be likely to surprise me with such a treasure. So the most likely suspects have been eliminated.

All of my good friends have denied responsibility. I think I know who sent it, but I've not heard back from her yet. Needless to say I am delighted with the gift … but I'd love to know who to thank!

Cara has long sung the praises of Socks That Rock, and one of my good friends told me I'd love using it. I'll probably make a pair of Grumperina's famous Jaywalker socks from one of the skeins. And I think I'll use my own pattern at Elann for the other. Unless you have other suggestions. Do let me know if you've used STR in a different and very cool pattern.

If you're reading and wish to remain anonymous, well, thank you so much!

I met my deadline for the DVD project and will put it in the mail today. There's no time for revisions, so I hope the client likes it. It's for her parents' 50th wedding anniversary, she has three siblings, and the project included more than 200 photos and 12 songs. Needless to say, it took some time to put it all together.

The only thing I've done other than work on the project the last three days has been laundry and my morning walk. I ate sporadically and not much, since I haven't been to the grocery in so long. I sure felt like eating last night when I was finally finished! Accomplishment equals reward equals food. I'll have to work on changing that equation.

I'm really pleased, though, that I insisted on walking every day. I've logged 13 miles this week so far, and yesterday did four miles in 55 minutes, but I couldn't manage to jog all the way up the hill. I did try on some of my stashed-in-the-closet-until-I-get-smaller clothes, though, and it's time to get rid of some more jeans.

Color me happy as a clam!

On the edge

I've been weighing myself every other day or so lately, for damage control I guess, since I've been away from home so much. Today I hit a new low, a weight I haven't seen in three years.

In 2002, I started a physical weight-loss journal and included weekly photos. I kept it up for a year, and lost about 25 pounds. I felt great, was wearing smaller sizes, got lots of compliments and then hit a wall. Even though I was eating properly [I was following the Weight Watcher plan at the time, and was an online member], and exercising, nothing was working. I stayed the same for an entire summer and into the fall. Eventually, of course, I became discouraged at what seemed like an endless plateau and started eating.

And eating. And quit exercising quite so diligently. I never completely gave up intentional exercise, but I certainly reduced the intensity and frequency. The combination of a greater quantity of less-healthful food and less activity got me almost to my highest weight ever in December, 2005.

I didn't want another year of feeling crappy, looking crappy and being crappy, and somehow managed to realize that it might take a long time to achieve my goal. And I was okay with that. This was a complete attitude shift for me; no longer did I want instant results. I got it that slow and steady wins the race.

So here I am, at the same point I was in 2003 when the scale started moving back up again. I'm forced to be even more diligent and resourceful. I have to find new ways to reward my efforts and reinforce my progress. I feel a mixture of anticipation and dread. I know I'll continue to eat right and exercise, but will my body cooperate? It's let me down before. Or, rather, being a recipient of much therapy in the past, I've let me down before.

My other journal was private; no one else has ever seen it. I suppose my kids will find it when I die, if I don't pitch it before that happens. This blog journal, being public, keeps me accountable. I would go so far as to say it has made the difference. No [wo]man is an island; those of you who read regularly, comment occasionally and cheer silently are helping me, who lives an isolated life in the Middle of Nowhere, in ways you can never know.

Thank you.

Back to normal … whatever that is

I always feel a bit down after I've been away from home for a few days. The past couple of weeks have included two trips, with only two days at home in between. Now I'm home for a long time – no travel again until August – and it's darned lonely around here!

My daughter's home is a whirlwind of activity and laughter. My grandson is a comedian-in-training who knows when an appreciative audience is at hand, and my granddaughter prefers swimming, throwing, dancing or playing to sitting. Unless the sitting involves the movie Cheaper by the Dozen.

Here at home the activity level is … not so much. I call my morning walk 'intentional exercise' because the rest of my day just isn't that active. We don't clutter much, and the dogs are fairly neat as well. The minimal housekeeping I do is sufficient; it takes less than an hour to dust-mop and dust. No stairs. Huge lawn, so the yardwork does take some time, but not on a daily basis.

I suppose this is one reason many people tend to grow larger as they age. Once the kids grow up and leave, there's less moving going on in general. Fewer shuttling to games or playdates, no pick-up basketball games or backyard soccer practice. Retirement means never having to leave the recliner.

And 'they' blame it on slower metabolism. Hmmmm.

Thanks for the recent comments. Even though I'm a bit subdued today, I'm still happy to have hit that 30-pound milestone. I've bought some more new clothes, some a bit too small [always nice to have an dangling carrot] and some that fit now and can be easily altered to fit later, too.

Just covering the bases.

My name is Debbi ...

and I'm a sugar addict.

As evidenced by the fact that my daughter wanted to do an intervention when I begged for an icing rose she was tossing in the trash.

[Heavy sigh.]

At least it ended up in the trash and not on my hips.

Moving on! Let's focus on the positives from my long weekend getaway.

I walked 6.6 miles last Monday and Tuesday here at home, and did the same mileage in less time Thursday, Friday and Saturday on the fairly flat walking track near my daughter's home. Thursday was the best ... I warmed up for about a quarter of a mile with a fast walk, then broke into a jog and didn't walk again until the last quarter mile. I was sore the next day, but I really felt triumphant when I got back from that workout.

I averaged 1176 calories per day, 79 minutes of activity per day and burned 480 calories during those exercise sessions. Lost another pound, too, for a grand total of:

THIRTY!!!

I still, of course, have a long way to go. It feels both bad and good to say I've lost 30 pounds. I shouldn't have let myself get to the point where I have to lose again, but it feels like quite an accomplishment at the same time.

I spent four hours at the pool one afternoon, playing with the grandchildren, who actually are fish in human disguises. This is a positive in two ways:

1. I wore a swimsuit in public.
2. I was not lounging in a chair, but actually tossing little children into the water and being fairly active most of that time.

I'm beginning to think of the way I eat as the way I eat, and not a diet. I did eat cake Saturday night – so-so-so not on the menu – but I planned for it, and it's not a daily habit.

Enough positives for today. I'm glad to be home – I sleep better here, my "stuff" is here, blah-blah-blah – but it's always fun to get away and shake things up a bit. Getting away feels like less of a challenge than it did earlier in this process, thanks to a couple of cooperative kids who have my best interests at heart. Thanks to both of them.

Progress photo

Just a quick post to update the photo, and to say how very much I don't like this one, but I'm in a hurry and didn't have time to futz around with a retake. It is what it is. I am what I am. A little smaller than I was in January, but not much by the look of this photo!
Those jeans slip right on, which is why I'm wearing them even though it's 90 degrees in the shade. Maybe next month I'll be brave enough to wear shorts.

I'll be back next Monday. Have a great week/weekend!

Oops, I did it again

Ran up that hill, that is.

I knew when I started out yesterday that I was going to do the 6.6-mile loop. I didn't know if I'd feel like walking or jogging. But after the warm-up hill, which I've always walked, I broke into a jog. I couldn't do all the hills, but I did the same long, curved one I did the other day. I estimate that I jogged about four of the total miles, and my time was 93 minutes – about 4.25 mph.

After that I unloaded a pickup truckload of mulch and spread a good bit of it on one of the flower beds. And then I mowed the lawn.

After which, I died.

Not really, obviously, or I wouldn't be here typing away, would I? But I sure felt like I should have taken about a three-day nap when I got done. I spent the rest of the day on the exercise ball [you regulars know that means I was in front of the computer] working on a DVD project.

Today will be more of the same [minus the lawn], with some laundry and housecleaning thrown in as I get ready to leave for a few more days. I'm hoping to get a first-of-the-month progress picture taken today for a quick post in the morning. But that might not happen until next week. I know you're all on the edges of your exercise balls, waiting to see what five months like. Heh.

If it's Monday …

it must be weigh-in day, right?

Two more pounds gone, for a total of 29. I had hoped to lose a total of 28 by now, so I'm on target with that. After 21 weeks following eDiets' Glycemic Impact plan, I've reduced my BMI by 5 points and developed some healthy new habits. I've also gotten rid of clothing that no longer fits, as I don't intend for it to ever fit again.

This is new behavior; I used to pack everything away in labeled boxes, waiting for the day when my weight would climb again.

Average daily calories were again a little low this week, at 1078. I averaged 80 minutes per day of intentional exercise and burned 515 calories per day while working out.

The Spousal Equivalent and I visited my son and his wife this weekend, and my son [Hi, A!] suggested that I include here what I typically eat. The theory behind the Glycemic Impact plan is to combine low-fat protein with good-quality carbs, so a typical breakfast would be an omelet made with egg substitute, Canadian bacon, fresh salsa and mushrooms and some low-fat cheese, along with whole wheat toast and an orange. Grilled chicken salad is a good lunch choice, with Triscuits and fruit, and I often have a whole wheat tortilla filled with grilled vegetables and chicken for dinner. My afternoon snack is almost always six ounces of plain, non-fat yogurt mixed with a tablespoon of wheat germ and a tablespoon of sliced almonds. I rarely eat in the evening, except for my Tuesday treat of having popcorn for dinner later in the evening.

We enjoyed our little getaway and I felt less anxious about food and exercise this time than I did the last time I traveled. I'm an early riser and was able to get out and walk/jog in the neighborhood both mornings without disturbing anyone else. They cooked for us the night we got there – grilled tuna and salad, which were perfect. Saturday night we ate at a baseball game; I could have chosen something more healthful than a footlong hot dog, but I also could have chosen something less healthful!

I only have a couple days at home to catch up on the lawn, the house, the laundry and the DVD job I'm doing, and then I'm off to see my daughter and her family for a few days.

As always, I'm grateful for all of you virtual supporters out there. Thanks for reading!

Brought to you by the color grey

First: Thanks again for the many birthday wishes, in the comments, in e-mails and in phone calls. I had one of the best birthdays I can remember. Fifty-five? Not me! I feel like a kid with all the attention I got. And I'm still a little high from making it up that hill.

My closet and dresser drawers are filled with clothes that would be called 'neutrals.' Much denim, khaki, black and grey. Much, much, much grey. I even wear grey pajama bottoms with a navy t-shirt. You can ask my knitting friends and they'll all tell you: "Yeah, that Debbi. She's a neutral, all right." But I'm really a 'spring.' When I wear pastels, especially pink, I get compliments from everyone. Even the dogs tell me how good I look in pink.

The past couple of winters I've made more colorful sweaters. A purple one with green and cream patterning on the yoke, the red one I'm wearing in my profile photo and my favorite, a beautiful mohair-blend pink cabled pullover that I just loved. [I sent it to someone else yesterday, as I couldn't rip it out and it no longer fits.] But I made and wore more that were brown or grey.

The current project is cream-colored, but the last one I finished was the plum V-neck pullover that will fit perfectly very soon, at the rate I'm going. And I'm trying not to buy too many neutrals when I go shopping any more. Which is, to be sure, seldom.

Wednesday I had to renew my driver's license and get my teeth cleaned, and I went to the mall as a reward for both. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but took my time and tried things on and came away with three shirts – icy lime, deep avocado and a plum/black/white plaid [didja notice how all those colors are foods?] – as well as a pair of creamy tone-on-tone capris and a pair of white linen slacks.

All of these clothes, except the capris, fall into the 'business-casual' category. Now I don't work, unless you count mowing and housecleaning and taking care of dogs and laundry, but I guess I was just overcome with the fact that these nice clothes actually fit! So I bought them … a birthday splurge.

Nicole had a similar epiphany a couple days ago. What used to be an agonizing chore – will it fit and flatter, or will I have to settle for just for fit? – has become something kind of fun!

Yesterday afternoon a delivery truck showed up with a basket of flowers and a gift bag. In the bag were a pink cotton hoodie with a lime-green zipper and a coordinating lime-green polo shirt, all gifts from the Spousal Equivalent's mother. They fit, too! And I can't wait to wear them.

I have some good opportunities coming up, a couple little mini-getaways involving more than just hanging out. Which means two things: that large, colorful woman you see at a ball game or dance recital might be me, and there will be a couple of blog breaks in the next couple weeks.

If you're in the U.S., have a safe Memorial Day weekend. If you're not, have a safe weekend. I'll be back Monday.

Birthday bonus!

I just got back from the first part of my morning walk, which was the four-mile loop. [I still have to do the 1.2-mile post office loop, but I have to wait until they open again after lunch.] Anyway, toward the end of the second mile is the killer hill that I've been trying to run all the way up. Here's what I wrote about it just one week ago today:

I have to scale one long, steep, curving hill just before my two-mile turnaround. When I first moved here [and was in terrific condition], I could run up that hill and still be able to breathe normally. When I'm in a running mood [not yesterday!], I challenge myself by adding a few more running steps each time. Eventually, I'll be able to get to the crest without stopping.

Yesterday as I was trudging up it, reserving my energy because I did, after all, have about six more miles to go, I realized I won't be able to run up that hill until I lose a lot more weight. I'm simply asking my body to do too much.

Well, I did it! In fact, I ran [okay, jogged] three out of the four miles. Guess how long it took? Go ahead … guess. I'll wait.

Fifty-five minutes.

I went back [in the car] and took pictures; here's what it looks like to me. Each of the three parts is a separate curve:

The song that started playing as I started up the hill was "Whip It," by Devo. I pity the fool who doesn't have this song on his or her playlist. And if you don't have it, then go here and grab it, with my compliments.

"WHIP IT"
Devo
Crack that whip
Give the past the slip
Step on a crack
Break your mommas back
When a problem comes along
You must whip it
Before the cream sits out too long
You must whip it
When somethings going wrong
You must whip it

Now whip it
Into shape
Shape it up
Get straight
Go forward
Move ahead
Try to detect it
Its not too late
To whip it
Whip it good

Now is that not The Most Perfect song to hear when you're trying really, really hard to accomplish something? I used to play it every morning when I was first divorced and had two young children and we were all trying to get ready to leave the house and get where we needed to on time. And since we didn't have a car, we all had to build walking-to-our-destination time into our morning routine.

Next up was this one. I've only put a few of the beginning lines here, because they're the most relevant. But it's such an upbeat, bouncy tune, perfect for a little hill-jogging celebration.

"Hand In My Pocket"
Alanis Morissette
I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid …

The only reason I left that last line is because of my last name. I'm not underpaid, not by any means. That's mostly because I'm not working. [Although Young at Heart Design Services is expecting a Big Job today. It was due May 1, so I'll definitely be overworked to make it by the client's deadline!]

Finally, I heard this one, which doesn't pop up on the Shuffle very often, but it felt good to listen to such a cheesy song when I was feeling so good about the hill.

"MAKIN' IT"
David Naughton
Makin' it, oo makin' it

I'm solid gold
I've got the goods
They stand when I walk
Through the neighborhoods

I'm makin' it
I've got the chance, I'm takin' it
No more, no more, Fakin' it
This time in life, I'm makin' it (ooo)

Makin' it

Hello uptown, Goodbye poverty
The top of the ladder is waiting for me

I'm makin' it,
I've got the chance, I'm takin' it
No more, no more fakin' it
This time in life, I'm makin' it (ooo)
Makin' it, makin' it

Listen everyone here
This coming year's gonna be my year
I'm as bad as they come
Number two to no one
I've got looks, I've got brains
And I'm breakin' these chains
Make some room now
dig what you see
Success is mine
'Cause I've got the key
I'm makin' it
(repeat chorus)

Okay. No more posts today. Two's plenty and I've other things on the agenda besides playing with the blog all day. Thank you for all your wonderful birthday wishes! You've made my day!

Double nickels

Today is one of those 'big' birthdays – you know, the ones ending in zero or five. Fifty-five marks me as a Baby Boomer, and probably qualifies me for a senior discount at some restaurants. I joined AARP at 50, but resigned when they endorsed Medicare Part D. They keep trying to get me back. Believe me, they don't want old folks like me as members of their group!

I don't think I've ever talked about this here [I checked the archives], but when I started my quest for good health and fitness, one of the motivating factors was that I was turning 55 this year. For some weird, indefinable reason, I just didn't want the rest of my life to continue on the declining path I'd been on since I turned 50.

My health is good; I have only a couple of minor and manageable little issues, but all in all my systems are Go, and my doctors agree. I see some 55-year-olds who look and act more like 70 … or, as I get older, 90! I keep pushing what I think of as 'old' farther and farther away from whatever age I am.

So this, to me, was the year to get back on the horse, so to speak, to knuckle down and git 'er done. I realize now that to get and stay healthy I will probably always have to:

• Carefully watch what I eat
• Exercise daily
• Avoid sugar
• Keep a food/exercise journal
• Take vitamins

These are not hard things for me to do. They are, in fact, becoming quite routine, and are good habits to develop.

In addition, to have a good life, a nice life, a fulfilled life, I want:

• A spiritual foundation
• Sobriety
• Love
• Good family relationships
• A positive attitude

Well, happy birthday to me! I have these – all of them. For someone who has, at times, struggled with each of these things, I'm delighted. But not complacent. I can't keep any of these without effort and intention.

The rewards are worth the work it takes. Maybe I'm finally moving out of that mindset that wants what I want when I want it. Good things come to those who wait, and all that.

Remind me of this post when I start whining, will you? And thanks for being here.

Too busy to be tired

I had a less-than-restful night's sleep last night, for two reasons.

First, I bought a pair of those gel insoles to put in my old running shoes, until the new ones get broken in. The insoles are supposed to be 'shock-absorbing' and since my shoes have now completely lost that quality, I thought it would be a Good Thing. The trouble is in how the insoles are shaped, and how the soles of my feet rubbed against the little ridges at the edges. I developed some nasty and painful blisters after a walk/run that is fairly routine for me at this point.

[I did 5.6 miles in 80 minutes – best time this year. My course is asphalt and very hilly, and I'm short, so while that's not a particularly impressive time, well … yeah, me!]

So I kept waking up because my feet hurt. And each time I woke up, the song "Baby Got Back" was playing on my internal iPod. It really is on the Shuffle and was the last song I listened to on my way back up the driveway.

But I really blame Laurie's 'juicybooty' post for it. Who wouldn't be thinking of big butts after reading that? [Here's the perfect juicy booty ... a booty to aspire to! And a very cool website, too. Here's a parody, which is just too funny for words. Be sure to read the instructions for both sites, and get creative! Needless to say, this works better-faster on broadband or DSL than on dial-up. But I said it anyway.]

Today will be a rest day from walking; I'll do the weight training and then I have to head to town to get my driver's license renewed. I also have a dentist's appointment and various other little errands to take care of. Those of you who live in your own Middle of Nowheres know that you don't go all the way to town just to get your teeth cleaned.

Finally, I'm shouting out a big Happy Birthday to my favorite songwriter, poet, singer and fellow Gemini, Bob Dylan, who turns 65 today. Think he'll remember me tomorrow?

Spring has sprung

We are having the loveliest spring here in the Middle of Nowhere. Sometimes spring skips us, and we go from winter to summer in one swell foop. But this May has been everything spring is supposed to be: low humidity, cool mornings and light breezes.

It feels good to get outside and walk when the weather is so cooperative. I hope by the time the humidity hits us – and it always does – the walking will be so routine that I won't even think about it. Maybe walking outside every day will gradually acclimate my body and lungs, and the rising temperatures won't affect my performance. I know that's a load of crap, but I can wish, can't I?

I'm breaking in a new pair of walking shoes. When I see good shoes on sale I go ahead and stash a spare pair in the closet. When I absolutely can't walk another mile in the old ones, I don't have to go shopping for new ones. Shopping opportunities being kinda rare here, you know?

I wore the new ones to the prison last night and they're very comfortable, surprisingly so. I could hardly tell I was wearing new shoes, which makes me think I should go back and get more!

Here's an excellent article from Cool Running on choosing a shoe that fits both your foot and your budget. Shoes should be replaced after you've logged 500 miles. I've only been logging my miles since the first of the month, and am averaging about 30 per week, so these new ones should last through the summer.

I just hope I do!

Making steady progress

Two more pounds gone! That's a total of 27 since January 1, an average of 1.35 pounds per week. I've also lost another 3.5 inches, for a total of 9.5 since February 27, when I started taking measurements. This week's stats:

• Minutes of intentional exercise per day = 105
• Calories burned per day = 628
• Calorie intake per day = 1278

The activity level is nearly identical to last week's, but the calories are up by a couple hundred, and are more in line with the eDiet recommendations for my current weight and activity level. [Actually, my eDiets profile needs updated; I don't think my activity level qualifies as "light" any more.]

When I checked my weight this morning, the scale told me three different numbers. I took the highest one, only because it should be easier to actually lose another pound this week if I'm teetering on the edge. I'll be gone this weekend [blog break alert!], but will be able to stick pretty close to the plan while I'm away. Only one more pound to reach my goal of losing 28 by the end of May. Think I'll make it?

My biggest challenge continues to be lifting weights three times a week. This week I managed it twice. Knowing the benefits doesn't necessarily equal doing the work, and I'm not sure what I need to do to make it happen. Yesterday I did the weight routine before I walked, and I'm going to try that again this week. Since I don't like weight training, I think waiting until after the walk makes it seem more like a punishment. Getting it over with first thing might work.

I need to Just Do It, without analyzing or thinking or dithering about it. It just needs to go into the routine in a matter-of-fact way.

A knitting update: I finished the back and started the front of the Krista Tee. No additional progress has been made on the felted fish, and I need to get that done and make another one before I see the grandchildren again. The fish and turtles are two- or three-color projects. I think I'm more of a one-color project person, although I have a wonderful collection of Fair Isle books and patterns for temptation.

This is the newest addition to my list of one-color projects for next winter.

The nicest-looking Fair Isles, in my opinion, are those done on small needles – size 2 or 3 US – with fine-gauge wool. That's a daunting task when you're looking at making an extra-large sized sweater. A medium, though? Not so much. This might be the winter for a Fair Isle pour moi.

I have hope ...

Dinner and a gospel sing

I've mentioned here previously that I volunteer at Alderson Federal Prison Camp, which is a minimum-security female facility. Had anyone told me 15 years ago, when I was newly sober, that I would be taking an AA meeting into a prison, I would have been convinced they'd fallen off the wagon.

Like so many things we think we can't, won't, or won't want to do, however, the Alderson gig has been the best thing I've done for my sobriety.

Last night was Alderson's annual Volunteer Recogniton Dinner. I'm not sure how many volunteers serve at Alderson, but about 60 came for the dinner and refresher training. Dinner was nothing special this year; one year we had grilled steaks! But the federal budget being what it is these days, we were served a decidedly lackluster and carb-filled meal. I scraped as much sugary sauce off a slice of ham as I could, accompanied by green beans and salad. I skipped the rolls, mashed potatoes, pasta salad and pie.

But it's not about the food. [I want that to be my mantra for the rest of my life. I will know I've succeeded when I'm not thinking about what to eat next. Or when.]

Alderson has several vocal choirs, and we were entertained – no, we were lifted – before and after the training program by the Praise and Worship Choir, a group of about 20 talented gospel singers. We had no idea we were at a prison, listening to inmates. They were wonderful, inspiring, bold and free, and we who listened were touched beyond words.

Most of the volunteers who work at Alderson serve in the area of Religious Services. [The AA meeting that I take in falls under the Psychology department, and I also teach a beginning drawing class which is part of the Recreation department.] It's sort of traditional at these dinners to have a little gospel sing, and I'm one of the few who fumbles for words to the hymns. But it takes nothing away from my pleasure in the experience.

This is a bit of a ramble this morning, with little to do about weight loss and nothing to do about knitting. It's everything to do with being inspired, though – inspired to be a better person, to give instead of take, to walk with grace through the toughest of times, to learn lessons and a better way of living life. To be grateful.

You gimme fever

If you felt tired, warm but chilly, achy, and your head and throat hurt, and you took your temperature and it was 99.5, would you say you had a fever?

Since my normal daytime temperature is 97.3, I'll say I did. It started yesterday afternoon. I could not get warm, even though my skin was hot to the touch. I finally took a long, hot shower, which helped some. I took my temperature and was surprised that it was 98.3, but didn't think too much about it. As the afternoon wore on, though, I felt worse and worse. By the time the dinner dishes were loaded in the dirty-dish storage compartment [aka dishwasher], my temperature was 99, and by the time Jeopardy was over it was 99.5.

I slept for three hours and woke up in a cold sweat. My temperature was down to 96.7. When I get sick, I don't mess around. I feel bad for a few hours and get over it. May it always be so.

It was several years ago when I first learned that low body temperature might be an indicator of thyroid disease which, as every fat person knows, makes one resistant to losing weight. I'm not going to link to any information about it, because I don't believe the information is credible. Suffice it to say that I pursued that angle for far too long, spending too much time and money on labwork, doctors' visits and dreams of easy weight loss through chemistry. Not, mind you, the chemistry of weight-loss drugs – that would come later. But the chemistry of thyroid medication.

Fortunately, I didn't hurt myself. [Taking thyroid medication unnecessarily can lead to serious problems.] I wasted a few years looking for the easy way out of Fat Hell. The fact is, my normal body temperature is on the low side of normal. [I think that would be a good title for a book.] That might mean that my metabolism works at a slower pace than yours does.

I think I've proven, since January 1, 2006, that I can do something about my weight that doesn't involve drugs and isn't dependent on having the classic 98.6 'normal' body temperature. I can lose weight at a slow, steady pace when I eat reasonable amounts of high-quality carbs with low-fat protein, hoist a few dumbbells and work up a sweat on a regular basis.

Simple, huh? But not easy.

Living in the now

While I follow eDiets' Glycemic Impact menu plan, I take advantage of any and all of the other get-healthy motivational messages out there, including the excellent advice from SparkPeople, who send me daily e-mails on various topics. eDiets does this, too, and so does Discovery Health. There probably are others; they all run together after a while.

The SparkPeople messages are short and to the point, especially their "Healthy Reflection." Yesterday's message was:

Stop living life for what's around the corner and start enjoying the walk down the street.

– Grant L. Miller, motivational guru

Enjoying the road to accomplishment
It's possible to be a little too focused. With blinders on, it becomes easy to completely live in our vision of where we will be in the future, while ignoring the improvements that we have made in the present. The road to a healthy lifestyle is a long trip. While it's very important to realize what we are shooting for, we also need to make sure that we keep our heads in the present to enjoy the progress we've made. If your goal is to lose weight, instead of waiting to celebrate until you lose it all, enjoy today's small victories and take advantage of your improved health now. This approach serves as motivation for any aspiration in life. Set ambitious goals and enjoy the road to accomplishing those goals. Because life might pass you by if you are always planning for tomorrow without ever seeing today.

I needed to read that, and I need even more to live it.

As someone who has been in a recovery program for more than 15 years, you'd think I'd have learned by now to live in the present. And as someone who reads a good deal – if not all! – of the weight-loss advice out there, you'd think I'd have picked up the idea that little non-food rewards along the way are a good way to stay on the path.

But I do find myself thinking of That Day, instead of this one. You know, the day the scale displays the right number. That's all I'm working for, but ultimately that's not enough.

So last night I mentally checked off some of the positive changes I've noticed so far.

• I can mow the grass and weeds on the slope at the edge of our front yard with the push mower. [Last year I wouldn't even try it; when I had enough energy, I used the weedeater. When I was too tired, which was most of the time, I just let it grow.]
  
  
• I sit, stand and walk with better posture than I used to. [Thank you, Exercise Ball! And thank you, H, for the suggestion!]
  
  
• The ring I wear, which had been my grandmother's, is so loose that the diamonds frequently slide around my finger to the palm side of my hand. [It used to leave a mark on my finger when I took it off.]
  
  
• I can wear jeans that button and zip. I can wear jeans that button and zip!!! [The last pair of denim pants I bought last year, sometime in last fall, had an elastic waist, and that was the beginning of the end of my complacency. I only wore them twice.]
  
  
• My average daily intentional exercise time has gone from barely half an hour to more than an hour and a half since the first of the year. [Thank you, Shuffle!]
  

I need to keep adding to this list. I think these fall into the NSV [non-scale victory] category, a term I first read on a Weight Watcher message board. I'm not going to lie to you: When I finally do see the right number on the scale, that will be a momentous day. But I need to focus more on enjoying life while I get there.

Crime and punishment and reward

The crime?
Sugar ingestion, in the car: two misdemeanors.

The punishment?
An 8.2-mile walk instead of the usual weekday 4- or 5.5-mile loop. (I do the really long walk on Saturday, as a rule.)

The real punishment?
Being too wiped out to do anything the rest of the day.

The big question is why I think I need to punish myself for the sugar slip. I've been trying to be pretty matter-of-fact about this obsession process, but for some reason I'm blowing this all out of proportion.

I have to scale one long, steep, curving hill just before my two-mile turnaround. When I first moved here [and was in terrific condition], I could run up that hill and still be able to breathe normally. When I'm in a running mood [not yesterday!], I challenge myself by adding a few more running steps each time. Eventually, I'll be able to get to the crest without stopping.

Yesterday as I was trudging up it, reserving my energy because I did, after all, have about six more miles to go, I realized I won't be able to run up that hill until I lose a lot more weight. I'm simply asking my body to do too much.

So there's one little almost-daily self-beating I can eliminate from my routine.

I guess walking eight miles and then expecting to be able to mop the floor or mow the lawn or weed the perennial beds was probably asking for too much, too.

So the reward?
I took a shower, sat in my new chair and knit all afternoon.

Bad night in the Middle of Nowhere

Ouch!

That was me, falling off the sugar-free wagon last night.

I had an errand to run before I went to my Tuesday-night volunteer duty at the prison, and ended up with a little time on my hands, so I went to find the June issue of O, which Beth recommended.

This is the 'body' issue, with cover blurbs like "Body Bliss: Feel great in your own skin" and "How not to look fat in a bathing suit" and "Oprah's Aha Moment: Fighting the mashed potato wars."

Why I thought adding a small package of caramel creams to that particular purchase was a good idea, I'll never know.

To my credit, I didn't finish them. In fact, I wrapped the remaining ones in the grocery bag and buried the offensive little parcel in the garbage at the end of the driveway, awaiting this morning's pick-up. So they didn't even make it onto the property. [Somehow that makes me feel better.]

The bad parts, though, are:

• They were sugar.
• I ate them in the car.
• I really let myself down.

The good part is they're gone! Well, except for whatever remnants are clinging to my hips. Because you know that's where every bit of sugar and fat stays, don't you? Might as well just hot-glue it to the outside of my body.

To end on a good note, the new furniture came yesterday and our living room suddenly looks so grown-up! It's a little overcrowded at the moment; we intend to get rid of the television in that room. Until we do there's the new black coffee table and the old wooden one with the television/DVD player/satellite box on it. But we'll take care of that soon enough. As you know, I sometimes have a hard time thinking of myself as a middle-aged woman. But when you have burgundy leather grown-up furniture, you just can't help yourself.

I think Nike's onto something

Of course they are: Their ubiquitous "Just Do It" slogan has been around for ages, and is still working for them, whether they use it as a tag line or not. When you hear those words, who do you think of? [Or, rather, of whom do you think?]

I tried to research their advertising success story at the Nike site, but their flashy splash page just loaded and loaded and loaded until I gave up. Dial-up sucks. Wikipedia came through, though, with a timeline stating the "Just Do It" campaign was introduced in 1988.

Yesterday was kind of a let-down day, after a great weekend and then the visit from my dad. Here in the Middle of Nowhere, company is a wonderful distraction. I spent the morning being cold – we're having an unusally cool spring here in the mountains – cold enough to wear layers. I even took a shower to warm up. Then my throat started hurting and then I alternated between feeling cold and hot. I developed a slight fever [my body temperature is normally in the 96.7 to 97.5 range, so 99.6 is a fever] later in the afternoon.

Because my morning routine was off, I kept putting off the daily walk. I read e-mail, surfed the web, updated the blog, cleaned the kitchen, knitted while I watched Sunday night's West Wing finale and Desperate Housewives, both of which I'd taped. [No, I don't have TiVo®.] I was a master [mistress?] of avoidance.

At about 3:30, after I'd exhausted all the distractions at hand, I Just Did It. Put on my walking shoes and Shuffle and took off. I did four miles at a decidedly leisurely 18-minute-per-mile pace, but it was done. Done! I felt better about myself afterward – as I always do – even though physically I still felt kinda crappy. I decided to stay home from the volunteer gig at the prison last night, and turned in early. I ended up getting 10 hours of sleep, which I must have needed, and am feeling fine this morning.

Just doing it – whether it's just eating what's on the menu plan, or putting one foot in front of the other, or not giving in to an emotional temptation – works. For some of us, it works more slowly than others, and for some us there might be a true physiological reason that weight loss doesn't happen. But I wasted years – years! – trying to convince myself that there was something wrong with me, whether it be thyroid problems or menopause or whatever.

I'd been trying, again for years, to lose weight and eat sugar at the same time. Not a lot of sugar, not even daily. But I've convinced myself that this body and this metabolism just can't handle sugar. The first time I went sugar-free was after I read a book called Sugar Blues. It was an eye-opener. I still have it, and should probably read it again.

What else was wrong with me is that I wasn't moving my body. It was uncomfortable and hard, and I didn't like to sweat. Sometimes it's still uncomfortable and hard, and I still don't like to sweat. [Being a knitter, I almost typed 'sweater' there.] But if sweat is what it takes, then sweat is what I'll do. The rewards are too great.

Thanks, Nike.

Twenty-five!

Even though I have many more pounds to go to reach my goal, it seems like such a milestone to say I've lost 25 pounds. I think I'll say it again:

I've lost 25 pounds!

This week I lost two.

My average daily caloric intake was way down this week – only 1077 per day, which I realize is too low. I found myself a couple of days just not even wanting to eat, either because I was busy or because I just wasn't hungry. This is quite a milestone for me – who ever heard of not wanting to eat just because you're not hungry? [You emotional eaters will know what I'm talking about!]

I averaged 105 minutes of intentional activity each day this week, including a rest day, and burned an average of 659 calories per day.

My dad and his wife just left to continue their journey south. It was such a treat to see them. They haven't been here in four years, I think. However, seeing my dad's poor health and limited mobility was difficult, and that increases my motivation to follow my 'get-healthy' plan. [Especially the weight training.]

I gave them a week's worth of menu plans and explained how to combine low-fat protein with good-quality carbs, but they're both of an era where bread is made of white flour, green beans are cooked in bacon fat and meat is fried. Dad's wife is a tiny little thing; her metabolism must be on fast-forward all the time. Dad? Not so much. And while I can do little more than sympathize and try to make things comfortable for him when he's here, I can certainly do much more to prevent the same challenges from limiting my golden years.

Thanks to all of you who read, e-mail and leave comments. You're keeping me on track, and I appreciate it so very much.