Friday Quote Day

"Some things you have to do every day.
Eating seven apples on Saturday night
instead of one a day
just isn't going to get the job done."
~ Jim Rohn

While today's quote mentions food, I'm posting it to remind myself of the necessity for daily exercise. Call it what you will – intentional activity, getting off your ass, moving more – it all comes down to the "E" word. Just like vitamins and caffeine, you ought to have some every day. Heh.

Starting January 2, the only day I haven't recorded at least 30 minutes of running, weight lifting or cross training was last Sunday. I told myself I needed a day of rest when, in fact, half an hour of anything would have been better than nothing at all.

I know it sounds like I'm grrr-ing at myself, but here's the thing: Two years ago, I was recording an hour of something almost every day. Most days it was a combination of two or three things – treadmill-rower-weights, or yoga-walking outside.

When I belonged to a fancy-schmancy gym in Ohio, I wouldn't leave until the total number of calories I burned, according to the readouts on the machines [which aren't accurate but at least are a benchmark] was 1000.

Again, that's ONE THOUSAND. Believe me, the weight melted off. Fifty pounds in five months.

Last year, when race training started, I did only what the plan said to do. Nothing extra. If it was a cross-training/rest day, I opted to rest more often than not. I ran three or four days a week, as prescribed, limited my stretching to my lower limbs and told myself that training for a race was enough.

Clearly, it wasn't. Is it any wonder I'm not losing any weight?

The down side is, sadly, my body needs to burn more calories than your average bear in order to release fat.

The up side is, for some reason today it's very evident to me that I need to put more effort into this project. Period.

Thanks so much for your music suggestions yesterday. I tuned into a satellite music channel of techno/dance music while I did the treadmill, and managed to kick the pace up a bit without panting.

My weight training consisted of moving large pieces of exercise equipment. Picture this: A two-story garage on one side of the house and a storage building on the other. Here's what Mr. Shrinking Knitter and I moved:

• A gym-quality, non-working Stairmaster from garage level one to storage building.
• A weight bench and plates from one side of garage level one to the other.
• A rowing machine from garage level two to garage level one.

And of course you can't move all that stuff without sweeping debris from the garage floor and vacuuming the carpet on level two, can you? I have a lovely kind of achy feeling in my upper back this morning. Like I actually used some muscles, instead of just going through the motions.

It ain't over 'til it's over

I'm ready for Christmas to be over on Christmas night, but this year the season is extended until the weekend, when I'll be visiting my son and his family. I made and sent their stockings early, to be hung by their chimney with care. However my new granddaughter has a few little packages here and there that she'll want to eat the paper off of.

And since I've had these extra days before the trip, I had to make Just. One. More. Thing. That's the way we knitters are. Give us a couple more hours and we'll whip out a hat. Or something.

I whipped out a dodecahedron:

And I think it's great! Since this was the first one, I wasn't sure how large it would be. It's pretty big for a baby, but so fun and easy to do that I'll certainly be making more in the future.

Mr. Shrinking Knitter and I enjoyed our day. His mother took us out to dinner – no leftovers! Yeah! – and we exchanged our gifts. She loves gadgets, so we gave her a Roomba. We love kicking back, so she gave him jeans [it's all he asked for] and she found a great hooded sweatshirt for me – roomy and long. Do you know how hard it is to find really long sweatshirts?

She'd given me one without a hood years ago – the one I wore in my first progress photo for the blog. Since that shirt's seen better days, this one is a great replacement. [I've saved that first one, though, to wear one more time when I reach my goal weight.]

And now that losing quest begins again and anew. Meals at my son's will be healthful and there won't be a lot of snacky stuff around, since they were out of town for the holiday. They have a great neighborhood for walking and/or running, and they live in North Carolina, where the weather usually is temperate even in late December.

When I wrote that first post in 2006, I'd hoped to have reached my goal by 2007. What happened instead is that I lost a good bit, gained a little bit back and have maintained for most of 2007. Lately I've been gearing up for more losses. Sugar is out, as are crappy carbs. I've signed up for another half-marathon, and may end up making it a full. That means regular training runs plus strength training.

Oprah made a motivational video several years ago in which one woman said, "Exercise is a daily thing." She compared it to showering and brushing her teeth – it's not something to think about or decide to do. It's just something she did, every day.

It's a good attitude to adopt. I'm not at goal almost two years after I started blogging, so it's an attitude I must adopt.

Who's with me?

Friday Quote Day

Whatever you are,
be a good one.

Abraham Lincoln

I've been forgetting about the regular Friday quotes around here recently. I guess that makes me a not-very-good blogger. Sorry, Abe!

You all have been very good little commenters, and I thank you very much for jumping in and telling me I'm making you think. I know you wish I could make you think-without-the-"k," but that's just not possible; if it were, I'd do it. And I'd be good at it, too.

Being good at something takes effort, dedication, commitment, willingness, energy and enthusiasm. Think about the various hats you wear – parent, friend, child, sibling, employee, employer – and all of those qualities are necessary. You couldn't be good at any of those roles without them.

This blog's purpose, as stated in the header, is to reclaim my health. To be good at that, I need … well, it's all up there in the first sentence of the last paragraph. After nearly two years blogging about it, I'm certainly fitter than I was when I started, but I'm still not where I'd like to be. As I said yesterday though, I think accepting what is will help me get where I want to go.

I'm not very good at that. Yet.

I started reading Good Calories, Bad Calories last night. [Have you entered the drawing for my extra copy yet? I'm going to nag you until you do!] I'm still in the prologue, in which Mr. Taubes describes Dwight Eisenhower's efforts to stay fit and healthy. I was struck by the lengths to which the former President would go to try to lose weight. He liked oatmeal for breakfast, but when he couldn't lose weight he switched to fruit, and then cut that first meal out altogether. The less he ate, the more weight he gained. He struggled for the last dozen or so years of his life. Could I relate? You bet. I'm hoping to get some good information from this book.

I did my second training run yesterday, which was again 40 minutes, but more strenuous than the first one. I was slightly faster – I cut 39 seconds off my per-mile pace [from 12:54 to 12:15] – and I enjoyed every minute of it. I felt I'd done a good job when I finished, and I realized that I have 19 more weeks to improve. I don't have to be fast this week; in fact, I don't have to be fast at all. I only have to give it my best effort, dedication, commitment, willingness, energy and enthusiasm.

That's all. Heh.

My, my, I'm introspective and serious this morning. To lighten things up and add a little knitting content, I finished a sweater this morning. No, not the pink one [but I only have 147 rows to go on the second sleeve and it'll be finished]. This one:
You, too, can make your own hideous Christmas sweater! Go here for some virtual knitting fun. If you're on dial-up, be prepared for a lengthy wait for the flash-y stuff to load. And there's festive music, too, so turn the sound down if you decide to knit one at work.

Would a good employee play around with flash knitting websites on company time? Hmmm.

Mind over matter

I've written about mind over matter here before, but not as credibly as Gina Kolata wrote about it in the New York Times yesterday. For anyone involved in athletic training, it's an interesting and inspiring read. I know I can easily cut a workout short when I'm tired or when a random body part hurts. But it appears that even those of us who will never win a marathon or the Tour de France can benefit from the suggestions Kolata describes.

And then there's this: Eating healthfully is more expensive than eating crap.

You don't say. How many times have you dropped five bucks on a McDonald's premium salad while your friend/spouse/date/kid eats fries and burgers from the dollar menu?

Anyway. Eating continues to go pretty well around here, and I'm using the treadmill – although perhaps not up to my potential – daily. Today's forecast calls for freezing rain and sleet this morning, with showers lingering the rest of the day and evening. Dear Treadmill: See you soon.

As for 8 on the 8th? We'll see. Maybe a mantra, along with grit and determination, will help get me through it. It might end up being a DNF, though.

Thanks for your very sweet comments on the little hat. Thanks, Mich, for telling me where you've been lately. I've updated my Google Reader. As for how long it would take a rank beginner to make a cabled earflap hat … that's difficult to answer. If you're a fast learner, that hat could be your first real project. Or you could make one just like Jayne's.

Knitting involves only a few basic maneuvers:

• Casting on
• The knit stitch
• The purl stitch
• Increasing
• Decreasing
• Binding off

Once you master those, you can manipulate the stitches – crossing sets of stitches, as I did in the cables, or creating deliberate 'holes' in the fabric for lace, for instance – to create just about anything. There are many good learn-to-knit websites out there, and I can answer questions, or you can check your Yellow Pages for yarn shops. Many offer classes for beginners.

This morning is a good oatmeal-for-breakfast one, and my steel-cut oats have been bubbling in the crockpot all night. Yum! I hope your breakfast is as good as mine.

Back in the saddle sling again

I'm not sure what I did to my shoulder/tricep/bicep in the night, but I'm once again slinging my way through my daily routine. As I think about it, I ran the sweeper yesterday morning – it's heavy and I probably lifted it over something using my left arm without even thinking about it – and I also carried a very heavy messenger bag in my left hand last night on my way to the drawing class at the prison. I was immediately reminded to switch arms, but perhaps it was just long enough to reinjure that shoulder. Or whatever is injured.

As I told Mr. Shrinking Knitter, at least I know it will get better.

Yesterday morning he asked me, in the most loving way possible, if I'd been gaining weight. I've actually lost two pounds this week, so the question was particularly hard to take. So hard, in fact, that I didn't even tell him about the loss.

Two pounds! Of course I've probably gained it back by now. Because when someone asks you that question, it doesn't motivate you, okay, me, to eat lettuce and lean chicken. And if I look hard enough, there are plenty of comfort foods around here that don't have sugar in them.

For instance, I found the peanuts. They were on a covered basket [full of yarn] next to an open basket [full of yarn] in the living room. Why they were there I haven't a clue. They are now in the pantry, where they belong, and the bag is decidedly less full than it was when I put them there.

This is total self-sabotage, and I understand that. So today, in addition to being back in a sling, I'll get back on the saddle of eating healthfully and mindfully, and I'll take a walk on the treadmill.

Because when it's 25° outside and you're using Neosporin as both hand cream and lip balm, you probably don't need to be braving the elements.

You've got a question ...

I'll try to answer.
Jodi wondered yesterday, regarding running, how I stay motivated. She said in her comment that while she was training for her 5K she did fine, but she can't seem to find the love any more.

Until I registered for my next race, I also found it easy to slack off. I remember telling Mr. Shrinking Knitter that I planned to run at least 20 miles a week after I finished the Country Music Half-Marathon – maybe even 25. That never happened.

I then blithely assumed that once I signed up for the Army Ten-Miler and the City of Oaks Half-Marathon, my training mojo would return, as strong and wonderful as it was last January when I started training for my first half.

But I had no idea how hard it was going to be to train in summer. I'd rather run outdoors than on the dreadmill, and the heat and humidity has been brutal. [The humidity is much worse than the heat. I was outside for a little bit yesterday afternoon when the temperature was 90°, but the humidity was so low that I felt like I could have done an easy four miles.]

Lately, though, I can feel the motivation returning as race day approaches. Eight weeks from today is the 10-mile race; the half is four weeks after that. My suggestion to Jodi is to register for another race. Plunk down the cash, find a good training program [I like the one at Runner's World] and get busy, baby!

I did a Google search for motivational tips and found a couple of sites, here and here.

I'm no expert, though. If you have other ideas, do jump in with suggestions!

I did a half-hour of weight training yesterday for my cross-training day and my shoulder and back muscles are yelping at me. I've quit using the four-pound dumbbells and am doing more reps with the eight-pounders. Still can't do more than two sets of 10 with the 12-pound ones.

The weather this morning is pretty darned perfect for running, and today is my long run – six miles at a 13:24 pace. It's sunny, but the temperature is in the low 60s. I'd better get going before Mother Nature changes her mind!

I almost broke my arm …

yesterday patting myself on the back for my accomplishments. Heh. Here's what I did:

• Ran four miles.
• Watered all the plants.
• Mowed the lawn.
• Purged my closet.
• Purged my dresser.
• Unpacked the suitcase.
• Washed, dried, folded and put away three loads of laundry.
• Washed dishes by hand.
• Emptied the dishwasher.

I am woman. Hear me roar. Heh. Looking at that list would make you think I'd taken a hit of speed in the morning instead of an Aleve.

The run went pretty well, considering I haven't run four continuous miles in a long, long time. To be honest, these miles weren't continuous, but the walk breaks were infrequent and short – about a minute each. Still, though, it took almost an hour. But I felt good and my quad felt good and obviously starting my day off like that did wonders for my energy level.

Today will be more of a routine-maintenance day, which means cleaning the floors and sprucing up the bathrooms and kitchen. I might do a little work on the guest room. The Roomba is already working on the bedroom floor.

The other good thing about yesterday is that I started journaling my food again. Total calories for the day? 1374. A little higher than I like, but I think the run made up for it. And it was all good food. I could have brought it in at 1200 if I hadn't had an evening snack of a little bit of peanut butter smeared on a 60-calorie slice of whole wheat bread. I could have brought it in at 1300 if I'd mixed up some PB2 instead of using the Smucker's Natural.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

At any rate, it's time to get this party started. I hesitate to declare my specific to-do list intentions two days in a row – that's a fail-safe, perfect way to screw it all up. Let's just end with this: I hope your today – and mine – is as productive as my yesterday was!

Friday Quote Day

“Though no one can go back
and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now
and make a brand new ending.”

~ Carl Bard

That's what I feel like I need to do: Start from now, at this weight, not looking back at the last 20 months of success and stagnation. I want to trick my body into releasing at least 10 percent by the end of the summer, whether I'm in training for November's half-marathon or not. If I can do that, I only have 10 more percent to go to reach my ultimate goal.

Y'all know what fun – hah – it is to start fresh, right? That old oomph of motivation you get on Monday or the first of the month or when you've just decided enough is enough and This is The Day?

Well, I've been slowly working toward this all week, in a good way. No last-gasp binges or trips to the Dairy Queen. I've been staying busy, eating three small squares and taking long walks. I've been planning and pep-talking and determining what works best for me.

YOAD isn't really the answer I wanted it to be – too many calories for this old, slow metabolism – but I can adapt it because it's just so darned healthy it's silly not to use it as a framework. I like choosing from one or two breakfasts and lunches every day. I like the way I feel when I "eat clean." I'll cut back on the starchy carbs and increase the vegetables. That means vegetable omelettes instead of cereal, smaller pasta portions, snacking on crudités instead of pretzels.

My workout calendar is posted on my wall, along with a sheet of little star stickers. This week has been rather haphazard as far as distance and intensity, but all in all I feel like I've been active in ways other than prescribed intentional activity.

I know that when I'm busy with a project – the DVD I've been working on is a great example – I don't even think about food. So one of my challenges will be to "create" projects. It's great getting paid to do a slideshow, but not every project I undertake will result in a bank deposit. So the "work" I'll be doing has to be its own reward.

Unfortunately, knitting doesn't really fall into that category. As much as I love to knit, I'd rather be watching television when I pick up needles and yarn. But making cards, working on scrapbook pages and playing with my camera are absorbing hobbies that kind of take me out of myself. My daughter loaned me a self-study photography course, along with a couple of books she found most helpful when she was starting out. They're still in my unpacked suitcase, but not for long.

I also have some household projects on my list: closets and dressers and cupboards, oh my!

I wish Blogger would let us post little midi files the way they do photos. That way you could click on a button and hear the music from John Lennon's (Just Like) Starting Over. The words don't really fit, but that's the earworm that's been in my head all week.

Friday Quote Day

Vitality shows in not only
the ability to persist
but the ability to start over.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Every day's a new day! You can start over any time! How about right now? Heh.

I'm trying to determine whether it was the four-pound whoosh, all the compliments at the hairdresser's or the flat tire that started my recent derailment. Something happened Tuesday – or, maybe, nothing happened Tuesday, maybe it was just time for a break – and I hope it's over.

Because something kind of "clicked" last night at dinner and I've felt pretty good ever since.

Wanting it won't make it so. Action needs to follow desire. Wishin' and hopin' won't get 'er done.

Have I used up every possible cliché to suit this situation? Add yours to the list! While you're doing that, I'm going for a run.

Time to knuckle down

All right. This blog is called the Shrinking Knitter for a reason. I started it as a way to stay accountable and get support while I was losing weight, and to talk about knitting once in a while. Hmmmm. For the past four months it's been about running.

I thought when I started the blog that I would forevermore be a fitness walker. That was okay, but I do love to run and I'm glad to know I still can. Barring injury, I should be able to keep on running for many more years.

So it's time to use running as a weight-loss tool, along with weight training and nutrition.

In order to continue running for fitness, I'll need to eat good, clean carbs – whole grains, vegetables and fruit. I got pretty sloppy with food as race day approached, although it didn't do any damage. I'm the same weight today I was in January.

Hey! I can maintain! Heh.

In order to build muscle, I'll need to eat high-quality protein – chicken, tuna, Boca Burgers [we love Boca Burgers around here!], etc. I wasn't as sloppy with protein as I was with carbs, but there's always room for improvement.

Jonathan commented the other day that all the little things I did consistently led me to the finish line. Since he said that, I've been trying to pinpoint what some of those things were.

I'm going to use my Mac's calendar application to create a workout schedule that I can print out. As each day's activity is completed, I'll cross it off or put a star on it. Doing that was very helpful as I trained for the half-marathon.

Since it works so well for exercise, I'm going to do some menu planning as well. The YOAD idea of eating the same breakfast and lunch is a good one. I'm okay with Shredded Wheat or Fiber One, skim milk and fruit for breakfast. [I'll go back to steel-cut oats when it gets cold again.] I also like yogurt/fruit/skim milk smoothies. I need to keep fresh salad greens on hand, along with chicken strips, tuna and low-fat cheese for lunch.

I want to have a vegetarian meal at least once a week for dinner, and won't have any trouble coming up with ideas for that, or for the rest of the week, for that matter. The YOAD book and the internet are both rich sources of dinner menus, as long as I'm willing to use them.

I've been very sloppy about eating in the evening. I'm not sure when I picked this habit up – I never used to do it, but I was able to justify an evening snack because I knew I'd be running the next morning. I'm going to start breaking that habit tonight, by brushing my teeth as soon as I'm finished with dinner. I'm not hungry in the evening; it's just a bad habit.

The goal for race training was to cross the finish line. It would be great if I could set a weight-loss goal and have it happen simply by eating cleanly and exercising consistently. But if you've been here a while, you know I've been there, done that. I guess the reward has to be simply stacking one good day on top of another. I think it will result in a few more pounds lost, but I don't dare put A Number out there.

I lifted weights yesterday and feel deliciously sore this morning. I did two sets of 12 reps of several different moves, some on the bench and some [curls, squats, kickbacks] not. I tried to use the same go-get-'em mindset with the weight training that I used with running. Today I'm going to run/walk four miles on my good old mountain road. I can't wait to get out there and pick up the pace again! My knee was fine yesterday and feels perfectly normal today.

I guess what I learned most during the race training was how capable I really am. [I'm getting a little teary!] And I'm not done.

Eleven miles today?

I don't think so.

I knew it was going to be cold today, actually the coldest day of the week. But I also knew I could tough it out for the first mile and I'd be comfortable the rest of the run.

But when I looked outside this morning the roads, cars, driveway, grass, trees and flowers are covered with this fine-textured powdery white substance. I'm not sure if the FBI will be coming to investigate an anthrax scare or not. I am sure that I'm switching today's and tomorrow's running schedules.

Tomorrow being Easter and all, Mr. Shrinking Knitter and I will be taking his mother to church and out to dinner. He'll come home to take a nap, because he always eats too much at Easter dinner. Knowing I'll be running in the afternoon will be an excellent incentive for me to eat moderately and wisely.

There's really nothing that could make me run today. I'll lift weights, though, so I don't feel like a total slug.

Jen commented yesterday: "Running makes me hungry, and especially hungry for carbs. Are you making allowances for your activity when you plan out your diet?"

So here's what I wrote back to her: "Running doesn't necessarily make me hungry; that is, I don't feel ravenous or have stomach pains or anything like that. But I am eating more, and especially eating more carbs, during this period of intense training. I'm not even trying to juggle the YOAD plan (or any other specific eating plan) at this point. I'm just trying to get to the starting line, and then the finish line!

I'm still keeping track of everything I eat, and I'm still making healthful choices. I think any dietitian looking at my daily food intake would approve. But in order to make it through these longer running days, I have to eat more calories than my particular stubborn body needs in order to lose weight."

It felt really good to come to the conclusion that weight loss isn't the priority right now. I wish I'd known that a month or so ago. I feel less frustrated – really! – just writing it down. So thanks, Jen! Turns out you gave me more to think about than yesterday's quote did.

Lori's feeling terrific today, bad knee and all, with the news that she won't have to have surgery after all. I'm really happy for you, Lori, and I just know physical therapy will be as good a workout as tennis lessons would have been.

Three weeks until race day!

Thank heaven for small favors

At least I'm not a loser, like those Ohio State Buckeyes.

Which, of course, means my weight this week stayed the same again! I'm not even going to total up the calories in/calories out this week. I don't even care. I eat the same boring crap every day and run more than ever and who cares what the actual numbers are? Right? Right!

As for the basketball game, at least some of those Gators have to graduate and move on this year, giving everyone else a chance to dance next year. They're just so good at every position. The Buckeyes obviously aren't bad – you don't get to the last round by displaying mediocrity.

You don't get to any goal – the National NCAA Championship, a 4.0 grade average, the job of your dreams or the magic number on the scale – by being average. The common denominator of success is giving it all you've got. And then giving it some more.

It might look to you like I'm doing that, but seriously? After 15 months of plugging away at it – and six months of backsliding – I'm cutting myself some slack somewhere. I just have to figure out where.

As Jonathan mentioned this morning, motivation is something that ebbs and flows, comes and goes. You know it when you've got it, that charged-up feeling inside that nothing's going to stop you. But it leaks out as time goes on, little by little, like air from a three-day-old birthday balloon. You don't even notice it until one day, 15 months later, you wonder why you're not excited about stepping on the scale, fixing the oatmeal, lacing up your running shoes, tackling the challenge for one more day.

What was new and fun and full of promise then is just same-old, same-old now. Jonathan asked, "What does it take to be successful?" I know one thing: Same-old, same-old isn't the right answer.

Finally, are they at it again? This looks like a real website, but then so did the wholesome swimsuit one.

Twenty-five days until race day.

Friday Quote Day

The important thing is this:
to be able at any moment
to sacrifice what we are
for what we could become.

~ Charles Du Bos

Now there's a deep thought for ya.

I wish I'd had today's quote in my head yesterday. I was supposed to have done one of those "easy" three-mile runs. All I did was walk to the post office and back, which is about half that distance. I guess I was still pretty wiped out from Wednesday. But I had the time and I could have talked myself into it, if I'd been in a more sacrificial frame of mind. I was feeling more indulgent and, frankly, lazy than anything else.

So I think I'll swap today [a rest day] for yesterday, but not try to break any records. Because Saturday will be the longest distance I'll have run so far, if I make it the entire nine miles. These training wizards seem to think tacking another whole mile onto a previous distance is not a great big deal. And I'm not sure what the science is by throwing that easy week in there. Last Saturday? Four miles. Tomorrow? Four-plus-five!

But I want to become someone who not only crosses the starting line, but also crosses the finish line. I have a whole day to change my attitude about running nine miles.

I'll think about it today, when I'm running three. Heh.

Fifty-seven days until race day.

Friday Quote Day

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.

– Anna Freud

This is a good thought to think when you're working out.

No amount of reading – be it book or blog – or writing or thinking or talking makes your arms and legs and lungs move. You can visualize and fantasize and dream about your performance, but in the end you have to do something. Run, walk, lift, row, stretch, lunge, breathe, contort [that's for you Pilates fans!] – whatever your workout entails, the strength and confidence to complete it comes from no one but you.

PQ commented last week that when she runs outside she knows that halfway through the distance she's going to have to turn around and go back. There's no choice, and I feel the same way. It's another good reason to train outdoors.

[I suppose if you were training in a city, and had the forethought to tuck some cashmoneybucks in your pocket or your sock, you might be able to hail a cab. Having never in my life hailed a cab in a city, though, I don't know if this works or not.]

I have to trick myself to keep going on the treadmill. Yesterday was a three-mile 'easy' run. Three miles wasn't particularly easy the day after a speed drill. But I knew how many laps I needed to do and was determined to do the required amount at the suggested pace: 12 laps in 42 minutes and three seconds. I played around with the speed and finished three seconds over – 42:06 – and called it done.

In addition to adjusting the speed up and down to try to end up on an exact number, I count laps as a percentage of the total distance run. For a five-mile run, 5 laps is 25 percent … that kind of thing. It takes a little more brain power to calculate percentages on a seven-mile trip to nowhere, and that's a good thing when you know you're going to be going nowhere for almost two hours.

Once I hit the halfway mark, I start assessing how I'm breathing, whether anything hurts, how hot or cold I am – all to determine if I think I can finish. So far the second half of each run has been surprisingly easier than the first. Maybe not physically easier, because I'm tired, tired, tired, but mentally I've convinced myself that I can do it.

And I do.

Eighty-five days until race day.

Are you Idol-ing?

I was one of the 37 million who couldn't look away from the trainwreck that was the two-night, four-hour American Idol premiere. Actually it was more background noise than anything else, as I worked on the latest knitting project. Said project needs to remain a secret; those who are to eventually receive it occasionally check up on me here.

But seriously, some of the people who audition on AI surely were set up to do so, don't you think? I can see it now: a dimly lit bar, too many beers, karaoke night and voila! Your friends have convinced you you're the next Chris Daughtry [who didn't win last year, but should have] and you must show up for the cattle call.

Do your friends and family offer you false encouragement regarding your weight loss effort? On the rare occasion when someone comments on my looks, I hear how well I'm doing and how great I look. I will admit to "doing well," if that means following a food plan and exercising consistently. But my mirror doesn't say I look great, and neither does the scale. They are as honest as the day is long. It's their job to be honest and they both tell me I still have 30 pounds to go, now go work out already!

These tools don't care how I feel. They're not concerned at all if I'm tired or discouraged or bored or fed up or, um, did I mention discouraged? They just provide data. It's up to me to do the work that will, eventually, pleaseGodplease, affect the data in a meaningful way.

It's up to me to accept their assessment realistically. The number on the scale, the number of steps at the end of the day, the calories burned and the miles run and the minutes logged – all those figures will, eventually, add up to improved performance, pounds lost and different data.

I'm not a robot, and my emotions sometimes get in the way of reality. But I'm mostly positive about the somewhat negative data I've been seeing lately. I've read countless times that you should have something other than an ideal weight for a goal. You know: pick a dress or pants size you'd like to get into or lose enough weight so you can wear your wedding ring again.

Or sign up for a half-marathon. Heh. No one encouraged me to do that; it was something I'd wondered about and wished I could do, but I didn't discuss it with anyone before I registered. None of my rowdy friends set me up, and my pep squad grows with each new person who learns of my goal.

One hundred days until race day.

My blogbirthday wish

Thanks so much for all your great comments yesterday. What a boost that was! I know I try to sound all upbeat and chirpy here [I've declared the Shrinking Knitter to be a mostly no-whine zone], but I will admit to feeling a bit, oh, what's the word? Hopeless? No, that's not right. It's been a year and I'm not at my goal and sometimes I think I should be and what's the word I'm looking for?

Anyway.

Reading all the nice things you said about looking forward to reading my drivel every morning really lifted my spirits. I'm going to print them all out and put them on my inspiration board, which I look at every time I park my ass in front of the computer.

Or maybe I'll put them beside the board. Heh.

Anyway, my most fervent wish has nothing to do with my weight, which probably will surprise most of you, since all-weight, all-the-time is pretty much what I think about these days. My wish is about my attitude, and my attitude toward food, specifically.

I wish I could just not care about food.

You've known people who can take it or leave it, haven't you? Once or twice in your lifetime you've run across someone who saved getting all jazzed and enthusiastic for music or skydiving or getting a good buzz. It's no problem for people like that to skip a meal, to forget it's lunchtime or – gasp! – snack time, to get so busy that hours literally slip away.

Their stomachs may growl, but they don't stop because what they're doing is more fun or absorbing or important than food.

What a concept.

I don't find many knitters who fit into this category. Knitters describe yarn as 'lucious,' 'yummy' and 'delicious.' Knitters include snacks as necessary tools in their knitting bags, and frequently their snacks are chocolate. M&Ms, specifically, because they melt in your mouth, not on your yarn. Some of the newer yarn shops that have sprung up over the last couple years have coffee shops or cafes attached, and what's a knitting get-together without snacks? Preferably homemade and sweet?

So maybe I should take up a different hobby? Not likely. I love to knit, and theoretically you can't knit and eat at the same time. But you can think about eating, and that's where my wish comes in. I want to just not think about it. I haven't yet learned to eat according to my stomach-hunger. My meals are not only prescribed by eDiets, they are prescribed [by me] at certain times of the day, and I rarely miss one.

What if I never learn that? What if I spend the rest of my life thinking about the next meal? This is how I think dieting creates eating disorders.

Yesterday Amy said:

"things are definitely different now that i've lost a bit of weight. like the urgency is gone. it seems it wasn't impossible after all and now the impossible part is to keep going."

I sometimes feel like that, too. That's why I signed up for the half-marathon. It's not just a physical challenge. It's a reason to keep going.

Okay, enough of this serious stuff. I use Google Reader to keep up with my favorite bloggers, and I usually save Laurie for last. I know that nine times out of 10 I'm going to walk away from the computer smiling after I read what Crazy Aunt Purl has to say. Here's what she posted yesterday. Get ready to smile!

In with the new!

I'm so glad the new year is here. In spite of my continuous efforts to eat right and maintain some sort of intentional activity level throughout the holidays, January 1 feels like a new start. And how serendipitous is it that the first day of the new year happens to fall on a Monday? Don't we all like starting over on Monday?

Here's the progress photo – January 2006 to January 2007.

Note to self: Remember to choose a more flattering shirt for the February photo!

I love that grey shirt – it's a waffle-weave cotton with pouch pockets for whatever I need to carry when I walk, so I wear it a lot. When I look at myself in a mirror it doesn't look so … um … lumpy. But you know those cameras: They never lie!

[My husband gave me a digital SLR for Christmas, but the lens still isn't here. The fast-talking salesman told me it was a professional lens and "distortion-free." I think I'm the perfect subject to determine if that's true or not. Heh.]

I'm gearing up for the half-marathon training regimen I'll be following for the next four months. I think I calculated that the schedule begins January 7, and I have to be able to run three miles continuously before I take the plunge. I can do it on the treadmill, and I hope that counts. The only time I could run three or more miles straight outside [on our hills] is when I was at my lightest weight.

A loooooooooong time ago.

I didn't make it until midnight last night, but when I went to sleep at 10:30 p.m., I was thinking about what a wonderful year it's been. I got married! That was the best. I stuck to a sensible eating plan for a year! I've re-established regular exercise – or intentional activity, as I like to call it – and I've become more active in non-intentional activity. [Yesterday's steps? 11,970!]

I'm not making a list of formal resolutions or goals. One of my favorite quotes has always been:

If you keep on doing what you always did,
you'll keep on getting what you always got.

Or something like that. In the past, I've been motivated to stop doing things that have led to unpleasant results. Drinking too much immediately comes to mind. But this year, I'm looking at that saying in a new way. What I've done this past year has yielded pretty darned good results. Half the weight I want to lose is gone. I'm in good enough shape to train for a half-marathon. I'm well on my way to reaching my weight-loss goal and I'm learning – from many of you – how to keep it off.

So I need to keep doing what works. One of those things, as I mentioned yesterday, is blogging. I'm going to keep up with the progress photos, whether they show a difference from month to month or not. Knowing you're all out there snickering at today's photo – especially compared to August and September – is really motivating me to post a knockout picture in February.

I truly value the effort and courage, humor and heart, you share when you publish your blog posts. I'm grateful to you blogless readers who take the time to comment and offer your support. I'm humbled and inspired to do better when you tell me how I motivate you.

Believe me, it's the other way around. Happy new year to all of you.

Out with the old!

For some reason that title makes me want to scream: "Off with her head!"

Remember adorable little Ray in Jerry Maguire? "D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?"

That'd be one way to lose a little weight, eh? Talk about your weight-loss surgery!

I'm not against WLS, by the way. I feel very fortunate that I've never had to consider it as an option. Alcoholics frequently choose the 'easier, softer way,' which is what I'm doing now, in my opinion. Working out and eating healthfully seems easier to me than submitting to a surgeon's knife. And I've seen enough WLS programs on Discovery Health to know that I'd be scared to death to take that route. Those who do are brave beyond measure.

So. Out with old habits, old behaviors and old attitudes.

Even though I'm not at my goal weight, which I'd hoped to be a year ago, I have to say this year has been a success. I've learned what it takes, what it will take and what I can comfortably do. More important, I've learned that I don't need to be comfortable. A little discomfort is a Good Thing – pushing myself to jog instead of walk, tacking an extra mile onto the walk, just being hungry and waiting out the hunger a little bit longer.

Although true hunger is something I've probably not experienced since I was an infant. And, knowing my mother, probably not then, either.

This year has been tremendously successful in discarding old attitudes. I wanted magical weight loss. I wanted a treatable disease. I wanted instant results.

I've learned there is no magic, I'm healthier than most 55-year-old women and patience is at least as Good a Thing as discomfort.

I've mentioned previously here that blogging is the secret to my success. If you've stumbled onto the Shrinking Knitter in your own quest for a new you in 2007, welcome! Blogging is just another word for journaling, which you'll often see suggested in the list of helpful weight-loss strategies. I use Blogger, which is easy as, ahem, pie to set up. So jump in! Start your own blog! You don't have to tell all.

If the idea of blogging makes you uncomfortable, then write in a book, or start a diary file using your word processing program.

However, keeping your thoughts to yourself can be dangerous. Those who regularly read my blog have been supportive, confrontive, helpful, and did I mention supportive? I live in the Middle of Nowhere, socialize very little, and pretty much keep to myself. I've found that I need the network which has developed among the bloggers I read. I'm sure I'm missing some good ones … one can only spend so much time on one's ass in front a computer, after all. Limits, people, limits!

I've replaced poor habits and unhealthy behaviors with healthy alternatives. No more sneaking snack-sized candy bars into the garage and hiding them in the freezer to have one-at-a-time for just 60 calories each, only to polish off the whole package before the day is done. No more whipping up a batch – albeit a small batch – of pseudo cookie dough when an overwhelming craving takes over. [This vice goes waaaaaay back. I can remember mixing sugar, flour, shortening, vanilla and a little bit of milk in a bowl and eating it with a spoon when I was in high school.] While a tray of crudites isn't quite as sexy as chocolate, it's handy, nearly calorie-free and I don't have a sugar hangover when I'm done plundering it.

No more sitting on my ass all day. No more driving the 1.6 miles to the post office [if it's not raining, I walk. And sometimes I walk when it is raining.]. No putting off until tomorrow what I don't want to do today. [This was hard, because – since I don't work – there's always tomorrow to get something done.]

One of my big lessons learned is to Do It Now. [Except for lifting weights. Heh.] If the floor needs cleaned, I get out the dust mop. Our laundry basket is never overfull. Dishes don't pile up in the sink and the coffeemaker is loaded and ready to go every night.

Now don't you go thinking I'm perfect. Just because the main part of the house looks nice doesn't mean I want you snooping around in the guest room, which is the clutter-catcher. But last year I didn't want you dropping by. I was uncomfortable with every part of my life – how my house looked and how I looked. And what's happened is that as I've improved, so have my surroundings.

Next year … the lawn!

Kidding. I kind of went off on a Flylady tangent there, didn't I? Sorry about that. But the underlying point remains the same: I've improved. Simple as that. Every one of us has room for improvement.

My strategy for 2007 is not much different than for 2006. I've switched my eDiet menu plan from Glycemic Impact to Low Sugar. I've sworn off sugar, once and for all, which seems to attack my body like poison. I've learned that daily exercise is as vital to weight loss as eating healthfully is, and that it's more vital to my emotional well-being. The better I feel, the more I want to keep doing what works.

It's taken a long time to figure this out. But, God willing, I'll have a long time left to keep on keepin' on.

11,500!

11,506, to be exact. That's how many steps I recorded on my pedometer yesterday.

The model I'm now using [I bought a new one over the weekend] seems to be more sensitive than the one I found in the junk drawer last week, although it still doesn't count accurately when I clip it on my waistband. It's quieter, though, so when it's clipped to my shoe it doesn't clank around like the other one did.

I only deliberately walked 3.6 miles outside, so the rest of that activity was just normal, daily moving. I don't want to get obsessed with this, but I will admit that wearing it encourages me to be more active. Instead of waiting to take several things upstairs, for instance, I take things up as I think of them.

To "J" in San Fran: No apologies necessary! I'm glad you shared your opinion of TBL! You should read some of the opinions from others who watch the show. Heh. I appreciate all comments [hint, hint!], especially the ones that make me think. I feel like I should get some kind of prize for not going off the deep end this fall. I've gained eight pounds in three months; it could be so much worse! But if I were on the show, I'd have been booted off long ago.

I have to say that spending hours in the gym certainly makes the difference in rapid weight loss, and I can say that from personal experience, as well as seeing the results with the TBL contestants. When I lost weight 10 years ago I spent at least two hours in the gym every day. I wouldn't leave until I'd burned 1000 calories, according to the monitors on the various machines [Stairmaster, cross-trainer, rowing machine, treadmill]. I did a 30- to 45-minute free weight routine three times weekly and I ran the mile or so from my apartment to the gym and home again.

On weekends, when I wasn't working, I did all that and also did a long run – about six miles – outside as well.

But that was insane. All I thought about was working out and counting fat grams. I breathed, ate, slept and discussed losing weight incessantly. I couldn't have been much fun to be around, although my friends were kind enough not to point it out. I can only imagine what they said about me when I wasn't around!

While I feel like losing weight is always on my mind, I hope that I'm getting the talking about it out of my system here, on the blog, and am more rational and balanced when I'm around other people. Admittedly, I'm not around other people very much. The inmates at Alderson on Mondays and Tuesdays, and Mr. Shrinking Knitter, pretty much make up my social circle.

Last night was the last session of this six-week drawing class, and I'm taking the next four Mondays off. My students were so grateful and as they left, each one of them said they'd learned a lot. The first week, with no training or discussion of technique at all, they draw their hands, and then the fifth week they draw them again. The comparison is amazing. I love being able to help them feel proud of their talent and ability; they get so little of that from the prison staff.

We all need to be encouraged by others. No [wo]man is an island, and all that. I hope you have a kick-ass day today!

The countdown continues

Only one more day until the college bowl season begins! The schedule kicks off with the prestigious and much-anticipated contest between Northern Illinois and Texas Christian University at the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. Don't miss all the action – tomorrow night, 8 p.m., ESPN2.

Heh.

Mr. Shrinking Knitter and I were fortunate to get a little college football action in over the weekend, unexpectedly, when my son and his wife discovered that a sneak preview of the soon-to-be-released We Are Marshall was showing Saturday night.

We had hoped we'd get to see the movie sometime during the holidays, but theatres – like everything else in the Middle of Nowhere – are few and far. We're rather hermit-like when we're home together, and might have talked ourselves out of going. But to be able to hop in the car, drive less than a mile and get to see it before everyone else does? A no-brainer.

If you like sports movies, you'll want to be sure to see this one. Even if you don't particularly like sports movies, it's a well-told story, full of drama and courage and heart.

I tried to find out about Cory Helms, who wrote the story. IMDB didn't have anything; here's what Entertainment Weekly has on their site.

We exchanged gifts with my son and his wife, and I wanted to show you the handmade vase my daughter-in-law found for me. It's unusual and clever and I really like it.

Food over the weekend was perfect. My son made vegetarian chili [I meant to get the recipe] Friday night, and we ate out the rest of the time, but I was able to make good choices for each meal. I didn't expect to lose any weight this week, and am happy to report that I didn't gain any either.

Staying the same is getting kind of boring. But at least I know it's possible, over several weeks, to maintain one weight without being hungry and without killing myself working out.

Not killing oneself is a Good Thing.

Thanks for all the comments Friday. That was a nice treat to come home to. "J" from San Fran also commented about The Biggest Loser last week, and I've been thinking about that a lot. Here's part of the comment:

What they seem to be promoting is the idea that the MOST DRAMATIC changes are the ones worth applauding. In other words, its laudable to lose 100+ pounds. (And the more pounds per week/day the better).

Anyone losing just 10% of their bodyweight might not "show" any such dramatic changes in their external experience. But if they did that in a healthy (i.e. slow and manageable way) without an audience of millions, it would probably be harder, and therefore a greater accomplishment.

I absolutely agree with everything you say. But you have to admit, it wouldn't make great television.

I guess what inspires me about the program is those final before-and-after transformations. The fact that they accomplished such dramatic losses in a relatively short amount of time really goes against the conventional 'slow-and-steady' wisdom. I had previously lost nearly 50 pounds in five months – not an especially fast rate of loss, actually – but wasn't able to maintain it for more than a couple of months. I gained back about seven pounds and kept that off for about two years, I think. And by the end of last year was nearly at my all-time highest weight again.

The fact that it can be done is what pushes me to KOKO. I've done it before. The Biggest Loser contestants do it every week and every season. And, of course, all you other weight-loss bloggers continue to inspire and motivate me. I sure do thank you for that.